No Place Like Home Outtakes
by tellingmelies
Summary: Outtakes to No Place Like Home...pretty much just random craziness
1. Happy Fucking New Year

**A/N: **So I blame CellaCullen for this bit of fuckery that you are about to read because she pinged me on Christmas day and was all, "You should write a holiday outtake with Edward and James or Bella before they met." I had initially told her no…then plot bunnies attacked.

This outtake is dedicated to my gomey, ohdisco, who was the first person to ask what really happened that night with the lasso. This also goes out to Forever_Liz cause bb, you fucking rock! Thank you so much. And thanks to my beautiful beta, phoenixhunter47.

Please keep in mind that this is Edward before he met Bella, while he was back in Chicago screwing off with James.

**~oOo~**

**Happy Fucking New Year**

"Ouch! Fuck, James. Give me a minute," I hissed as I tried to dislodge my foot from the snow pile.

"Don't be such a sissy," my cousin laughed as he smacked my ass.

I kicked back with my free leg as I sunk deeper into the snow. My knee buckled and I fell forward. My arms shot out, smacking against the window ledge. I heard James laugh from behind me as I wiped wood slivers on my pants. I gave a giant tug and my leg finally pulled free. Leaning against the window, I turned back to look at my cousin. James was hunched down by a bush, pulling his black beanie down over his ears.

"Give me the damn tools."

James shuffled through the bag at his feet as I zipped up my jacket. The freezing Chicago air whipped around my face, stinging any open flesh it came into contact with. We were lucky that the snowstorms had stopped, but not lucky enough to beat the sporadic rainfall. I heard the bushes rustle and seconds later James was standing next to me, tools in hand. I reached out for them but he pushed by me.

"Gotta let a real man do the work."

"And who would that be?" I asked. James flipped me off in response. Yeah, a fucking real man.

I watched as he began to jimmy the lock open, "Hey, you did remember to disable to alarm, right?"

He threw me a look over his shoulder before turning back to the job at hand. I turned towards the front gate, watching out for the night guard. I was suddenly overcome with laughter as I thought about the fact that we were breaking into our Grandfather's house. If only the old man could see us now. I gripped my knees as I bent over, choking on the laughter that kept spewing out. I heard a snort come from in front of me and I looked up to see James hunched over, gasping for breath as he joined in my laughter.

Fuck, and he didn't even know what I was laughing at. I think that bottle of Hennessey was finally kicking in. He snorted again and I gave him a shove, laughing harder as he face planted into the snow.

"Fucking pansy!" James shouted, wiping snow from his face.

I stepped over his ass, almost losing my balance. When I reached the window, I gave a quick pull and the window slid open. James and I both froze, not daring to take a breath as we waited to see if the alarm had actually been shut off. After a few minutes of nothing, James stood up, wavering slightly, and pushed me out of the way.

"Told ya I fucking turned off the alarm. Now let's do this!"

One by one we maneuvered our way through the window, both falling on our asses onto the study room floor. Once we had both stopped laughing, we stood up and James immediately walked over to the giant mahogany desk. Turning on his flashlight, he began rummaging through all the drawers in a not so quiet fashion. I took this time to look around the study as I switched on my own light. This was the first time I had ever been in this room. Anthony never let anyone in, this was his own personal study. Hell, I don't even think his wife had ever been in here.

"Fuck yeah!" James exclaimed from behind me.

I turned sharply to see him holding up a key. I felt myself smile as I stumbled over to him, banging my knee against a table. I let out a slew of curses, leaning against the desk.

"Shut up, man. You wanna get our asses caught?"

"Oh like he didn't hear your fat ass falling all over the floor," I snapped back.

"Your ass was right behind mine," he retorted. We both paused and thought about that last statement before bursting into laughter.

"I always knew you were a homo, Eddie." He ruffled my hair.

I pushed his hand away, "Don't fucking call me, Eddie."

He laughed as he made his way over to the locked liquor cabinet that held Anthony's finest bottles of alcohol.

"Hell yeah!" James exclaimed as the cabinet door swung open. "Gramps has been holding out on us. Bring the bag over."

I picked up our discarded bag and managed to knock over a picture frame on the end table.

"Shit," I mumbled, as I righted the picture. Setting it on the table I noticed a crack that now extended from the top of Anthony's face, all the way across to his jaw. Well, the old man was a little cracked in the head, now we had proof. I laughed to myself at my little joke as a sharp pain radiated from the back of my head. Turning around quickly, I saw the source of my pain; a copy of Leo Tolstoy's short stories was lying open on the ground at my feet. I bent down, showing James my middle finger, as I picked up the book.

_God Sees the Truth, But Waits_

I almost fucking dropped the book. The feeling of being watched settled over me and my eyes quickly darted around the room looking for...what the fuck was I doing? Did I fucking expect God to be standing behind me? Chuckling nervously, I ran my hand through my hair. I caught a glimpse of something to my right and spun around, jumping at my own reflection. _Christ Edward, get a grip. _I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes, willing the room the stop spinning.

__"You done checking yourself out over there? I could use the help, you know?"

James was leaning against the open cabinet looking impatient. I glanced around quickly before joining him, tossing the book on the table. When I looked over his shoulder into the cabinet, I about had a goddamn heart attack. The old geezer was holding out on us. The cabinet had five shelves that were lined with the finest liquor that money could buy. Brands from all over the world, many that I couldn't even pronounce. I reached over James' shoulder and grabbed a bottle of Bushmills Irish Whiskey. I knew from experience that this shit retailed for over $200 a bottle. Placing that back on the shelf I grabbed a bottle from the shelf above.

"Fucking bastard," I muttered under my breath as I twirled the bottle around. Kinclaith Single Malt Scotch. This shit right here cost more than James' beloved Mercedes. Not only that, but Anthony had two fucking bottles just sitting there mocking me. With a shrug of my shoulders I screwed off the cap and took a swig. Consider it part of my inheritance. Beside me, James let out a low whistle as he perused the shelves.

"Told you he had the shit hidden in here," James said as he pulled a bottle off the top shelf. "Cheers." He clinked my bottle with his own and when he tipped his head back to drink I saw the label: Pasion Azteca Tequila. Fucking figures he would go for the Tequila.

As I turned back to our selection, my eyes roamed over the pictures on the walls. Anthony Edward Cullen through the years. Graduation from college, with his family, days spent on the family ranch back in Wyoming and...holy fucking shit. What the hell was hanging on the wall? Still holding the bottle of Scotch, I pushed past James to get a closer look. I stopped first to grab the cowboy hat that was on the wall, placing it on my head before reaching for the object that had caught my attention in the first place.

"Hey, James," I called. James turned and I held my arm up. "It's like fucking Bonanza in here."

James took in my appearance from the hat to the lasso that was hanging from my arm before doubling over in hysterics. His laughter was contagious and I soon found myself near tears. A thump came from upstairs and I felt my eyes widen as I looked over at James. Straightening up quickly, he shut the door, but not before grabbing two more bottles. I was pretty sure his stupid ass grin mirrored mine as we ran back to the open window, each fumbling as we climbed over the edge out into the freezing night, cowboy hat and lasso in tow.

~oOo~

"Fuck, James!" I yelled as we flew over a speed bump causing my head to hit the car roof. Luckily, none of my drink spilled as I held the bottle in my hand.

"Whoo!" James let out as the car accelerated, flying over the next speed bump.

The half dressed girl riding shot gun squealed as he pulled her across the seat. She wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling his face to hers. I so did not want to watch this. As I took another drink of the Kinclaith, my view of the front seat was suddenly blocked by a pair of tits and the overwhelming smell of honeysuckle. I followed the stretch of skin from cleavage to face until I was looking at the girl who had just crawled onto my lap.

"Can I have some?" she asked, reaching for my drink, speech slightly slurred. I moved the bottle out of her reach causing her chest to fall against mine as she tried to grab a hold of it.

"What are you going to give me for it?" I asked, leaning back on the seat with a smug smile.

A devilish glint entered her eyes as she slid her hands up my chest, hooking them around the back of my neck. Almost instantly her mouth covered mine. There was nothing but pure sex in that kiss...and sex I knew well. I wrapped my arms around her, Liz I think she said her name was, and pulled her into me. She tasted of alcohol as I plunged my tongue into her mouth. I let one hand run down the sides of her shirt until I felt her bare thigh, the skirt having risen from straddling me. Roughly, I pushed my hand up causing the fabric to move higher until my thumb grazed the edge of her underwear. Fumbling for a minute, I finally maneuvered my finger under the edge and ran it up her slit. Fuck, she was wet. Her hips bucked against mine and I groaned as she pressed against my dick.

"Hey! You better not fucking be spilling that shit on my seats!" James' voice interrupted.

Liz's head fell to my neck, giggling. Cockblocked by my fucking cousin.

"Oh, and I can see you, you know. Don't be doing that shit back there."

I sat up quickly. Liz squealed as I grabbed her ass so she wouldn't fall. I leaned forward, my head between the seats.

"It would be fucking payback for when you screwed that chick in my backseat."

James raised his hand, fingers still closed around his bottle of Tequila, and waved me off. "That was different. You weren't in the car while I was fucking her."

Without thinking, I removed one of my hands from the nice ass and smacked James in the head. The car swerved upon impact and I flew forward, falling onto the floorboard with Liz underneath me.

"Shit!" I yelled as some of the Scotch spilled out onto the floor.

James didn't bother to slow down as I tried to untangle myself from the girl below me, careful not to spill another drop. I crawled back up onto the seat, sighing in relief as I took a drink from the bottle. Liz wiggled her way in between my legs and I pulled her face to mine. She gave me a quick kiss before pulling back, grinning wickedly. I was about to ask her what the fuck was so funny when her hands found their way inside my pants. I smirked at her before attacking her mouth again. She began pumping me slowly, her actions hidden to the front by her body...not that James was paying attention anyway. I could feel myself getting closer and I leaned back against the seat as Liz's mouth moved to my neck. I brought the bottle to my lips.

What the fuck?

"What the fuck?" I said aloud, turning the bottle upside down. Empty. Not a single drop left.

I pushed the girl off of me and she fell to the side letting out a "hey" in irritation. I shot her a look and she shut up, crossing her arms over her chest. I leaned between the front seats again, pushing the other girl (cause like hell if I remembered her name) to the side.

"I'm out."

James grabbed his bottle from between his legs and turned it over. Empty, just like mine.

"Shit!" I shouted, reaching for the bag we brought with us only to find it empty. What the fuck was the point of bringing the bag if we didn't put shit in it? "I thought you grabbed more," I yelled over the pounding bass of the stereo.

We made a sharp turn, the tires skidding on the asphalt, and James brought the car to a stop. He turned off the ignition and faced me. "I know I grabbed some more." He looked at the girlwhosnameIcantremember, "Look under your seat, baby."

She smiled demurely at him and reached under. Seconds later she pulled up two bottles of Jack. James and I each grabbed one, nodded at each other and cracked the shit open. And yes, we shared with the girls.

It was getting hot in the car and I was beginning to feel cooped up. I needed air and space and...fuck...I wanted to run. Breaking away form the half naked girl in front of me, I fiddled with the door handle until it open and I fell head first onto the snow covered pavement. I rolled over, looking up at the night sky and breathed in the cold air. I could hear giggling coming from the car and then James' face appeared above me, grinning and with that fucking cowboy hat on.

"Making snow angels there, cuz? Isn't that kind of a chick thing?"

"Yeah, fuck you, Billy Ray."

He held a hand over his heart and tried to look wounded, "Ouch, you broke my achy heart...or some shit like that."

I rolled my eyes as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. James handed me back my bottle, which I guess the chick had been holding, and then held out his hand to help me up. I stumbled to my feet, pausing as the world righted itself, and then took another drink from good old Jack. I glanced around. From the looks of it, I gathered we were in an abandoned parking lot. I could hear the sounds of the freeway in the distance.

"What the hell is this?" Liz asked, stepping out of the car holding the lasso.

"It's fucking rope." Who the hell didn't know what rope looked like?

"And what exactly do you need rope for?" her friend asked, giggling.

James sauntered up to them. "Why, to wrangle in beautiful youngins like yourselves," he said in a horrible southern accent, tipping his hat.

The girls burst into giggles and Liz straightened up, "Well it looks like I'll be the one doing the wrangling now."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow, and she nodded. I bent slightly at the waist and dug my heel into the snow like a bull getting ready to charge and then ran towards the girls. They both squealed and scattered, but didn't get far. James grabbed the noname around the waist and hoisted her into the air. I took off after Liz who should have known better than to run in the snow in heels. It's fucking the dead of winter. Why the hell would you wear something pointy?

I caught up to her easily, wrapping the rope around her waist, pinning her to me. My mouth ravaged her neck as she 'fought' to get away from me. Her hands dropped their hold and I emerged victoriously. Trotting back to James, swinging the lasso over my head.

"Giddy up, Cowboy!" James hollered.

I used to play Cowboys and Indians when I was younger, way younger, like five, with my older brother Emmett. He would always get to be the cowboy and I would always be his captured Indian. Now it was my turn and I was going to fucking own being a Cowboy. I spotted a trash can in the distance and began twirling the lasso above my head. I eyed down that trash can as I stalked towards it. That can was mine. As soon as I was close enough, I let the lasso go, holding my breath as I watched it sail through the air and wrap around the base of the can.

"Yee Haw!" I shouted as the group cheered behind me.

Well of course after that, James wanted to try. So I sat back and watched my cousin make a fool out of himself. After six tries, he finally succeeded in wrangling the trash can. We each went a couple more times, from different distances, even helping the girls out. Suddenly James announced he was cold.

"Put some fucking clothes on, dumb ass," I responded.

"Why the hell should I when we can just start a fire?" James asked with a huge grin on his face. He produced a lighter from his back pocket and walked up to the trash can. A few beats later and the can was illuminated with an orange glow. The girls immediately huddled around it.

"Now I'm all nice and toasty," James announced, spreading his arms wide. "And I can still show off my hot body."

"Bitch please, I am much hotter than you," I scoffed, unbuttoning my shirt. I tossed my shirt to the side along with the lasso and braced myself for the cold, but it wasn't actually that bad. The girls were giggling and letting out cat calls while James and I struck different poses.

"I think Edward wins," Liz shouted out while her friend nodded in agreement.

"What?" James exclaimed in protest.

Grinning, I walked over to Liz, pulling her body to mine and shoving my tongue in her mouth. She responded in force while James whined. Her friend rubbed up against my back, leaving a slew of kisses down my neck. I turned around to face my cousin, an arm draped over each girl.

"Suck on it, bitch."

"What the fuck ever." James was shaking his head while fumbling with the top of his jeans. Hastily, he shoved his pants down, quickly stepping out of them and threw them off to the side.

"How can you pick that over this?" He gestured to his body now only clad in his black boxers.

Oh hell no. I was not going to be outdone by James. Stepping away from the girls, I quickly slipped my jeans off. The right leg got stuck as I tried to pull it over my shoe and I ended up ass deep in snow.

"Holy Fuck!" I shouted as the moisture seeped through the thin fabric. I yanked my shoes off so I could get the pants off and jumped up, wiping the snow off my ass. James was howling in laughter. I reached down and balled up some snow and launched it at his head, smiling smugly when it connected perfectly.

He let out a yell before launching one back at me. I dove out of the way just in time and it sailed by me, smacking into one of the girls. They both shrieked so I couldn't tell who was hit. I looked over at James and a second later felt something hard and wet smack into the back of my head.

Within minutes we were running around the burning can launching snow balls at each other. Somewhere in that time, both girls had lost their tops, though for the life of me I couldn't remember when. My foot caught on something as I was running causing me to stumble slightly. Looking down I found the discarded lasso. I quickly grabbed it up and chased after the girls, letting out a yell as I spun the rope in the air.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" James shouted, running past me, his hand securing the cowboy hat that was still on his head.

I realized my aim had turned to shit when multiple tries later I'd only succeeded in tripping myself and smacking into James.

"Hey, the countdown's starting!" Liz shouted. We all paused, in the distance you could vaguely hear an echo of voices coming from the direction of the pier.

James appeared next to me, lighter in hand. "Let's send this year off in style."

I knew instantly what he meant as I drew the lasso towards me.

_5…_

Laughing, he poured some Jack around the length of the circle as I held it up.

_4…_

Once the circle part was covered, he flipped open his lighter. The lasso erupted in flames and I jumped back in surprise.

_3..._

James and I both let out yells as I slowly began to swing the rope.

_2…_

"Fucking shit!" I yelled as the flames shot up the rope, scalding my finger tips. I dropped the flaming lasso into the snow. It let out a _hiss_ as the flames met the cold snow.

_1…_

"Freeze right there!"

~oOo~

"Cullen, both of you. Let's go."

I groaned, rolling over on the tiny bench.

The ride to the police station was a blur. I remembered James telling them that he was the sheriff in these parts and then the next thing I knew, I was in the back of the squad car.

I sat up slowly, my head was fucking pounding. I wondered if they had Advil around here. James was leaning against the communal toilet, dressed in a horrible orange jumpsuit. I was about to laugh until I realized I was dressed in the same fashion.

Where the fuck were my clothes?

"Move it, ladies," the guard at the door shouted again.

"Dude," James mumbled, using the toilet to help him stand, "Why you shouting? My head is fucking killing me."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, princess."

"That's fucking 'prince' to you," James said as he walked past the guard, patting him on the chest. Laughing, I stumbled behind him.

I caught up to James in the hallway and placed my hand on his shoulder. He grinned over at me and we both burst into laughter, ignoring the throbbing pain in our heads, as we walked down the hallway of the Chicago Police Department. We stopped in front of the door at the end so we could sign the release papers.

"Thank you again for taking care of my daughter, Officer." I heard a voice say.

"Anytime, Mayor."

The Mayor was here?

I looked up through the window into the lobby and saw the profile of our prestigious mayor. He glanced up then, his eyes meeting mine and they narrowed in fury. What the fuck was his problem? He turned sharply, throwing his arm around someone I couldn't see and began walking towards the door. A flash of brunette hair passed and a face turned towards me. When her eyes met mine, she smiled, stifling a giggle before walking out with her dad.

Liz.

"Holy shit, you fucking nailed the Mayor's daughter." James slapped me on the shoulder as the door opened allowing us to step into the lobby.

I nailed the Mayor's daughter. This was a first. But fuck, I couldn't remember it. I racked my brain trying to recall any of it. It should have been a no brainer. I spent the better part of my evening with her, therefore I probably did fuck her. Didn't I? James was cracking up next to me and his laughter spread to me. We were both almost doubled over when we stepped into the lobby so it was no wonder we didn't see him standing there.

"Boys."

That one voice froze us in our tracks. We both straightened up and met his hardened face. Anthony Cullen was standing in the lobby, cowboy hat in one hand and what was left of what looked like burned rope in the other. Without another word, he turned on his heels and walked out.

Happy fucking New Year.

**~oOo~**

**A/N: **I hope that you enjoyed this glimpse into Edwards past. Please feel free to let me know what you thought! I will be adding future outtakes here as well, so be on the lookout for those.


	2. Under Pressure FGB outtake

**AN: This was written for JAustenlover who won me in the Fandom Gives Back auction. She requested a glimpse into Edward's early years. Needless to say, I had a little too much fun writing a teen Edward. I hope you all enjoy!**

**~oOo~**

**Under Pressure**

_Ok, meet Dad at the hospital to shadow on rounds at 12:30. Math tutoring back at school at 3. Piano lessons at 4:30. Dinner at 6. Homework from 7-9. Then bed. What am I forgetting? Think, Edward! Oh! I have to meet with Mrs. Cope to talk about graduation, and I have that Physics test second period. Did I forget my notes at home?_

SMACK!

"Watch it, geek!"

Something large bumped into my shoulder, sending my books flying out of my arms. I immediately crouched down and began gathering up my things.

_Stay down. Just get your things and get to class._

"Get your shit out of my way."

"I - I'm sorry, Kyle," I stammered, quickly gathering up my note cards, which I thankfully realized were my missing Physic ones. I stood up, keeping my head down, and took a step backward. I could hear Kyle and his friends laughing, and I tried my best to ignore them, waiting for them to leave so I could continue on to class.

_At zero degrees, two vectors have a resultant equal to their sum. At 180 degrees, two vectors have a resultant equal to their difference. From the difference to the sum is the total range of possible resultants._

"Edward!"

I looked up, pushing my glasses up my nose. Stupid things kept sliding down. Alice kept telling me to get contacts, but the thought of touching my eye wigged me out just a little. And speaking of Alice...

My younger sister was storming down the hall toward me. Her long black hair flew out behind her as she clenched her tiny hands into fists and charged right up to Kyle and his friends. She barely came up to Kyle's shoulder, but that didn't stop her as she poked her finger into his chest.

"Kyle Brady, you leave him alone! This hall is big enough for you and your goons to walk down without knocking anyone over. Now go or I'll have Emmett kick your sorry butts!"

Kyle just looked at his friends and laughed, but thankfully they left. As Alice walked over to me, I heard someone mutter 'sissy' underneath their breath as the crowd dispersed.

_Saved by my younger sister. Perfect._

"Edward, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Alice," I responded as I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder. She reached a hand out and I quickly brushed by her. "I gotta go. I can't be late."

With another push on my glasses, I hurried down the hall, slipping into my seat right as the bell rang. My chem partner, Ben, gave me a nod in greeting before turning back to his notes. Ben Cheney was a nice guy; he was smart like me. We were the only two 16 year olds taking a senior level science class. But unlike me, Ben wasn't graduating this year.

Graduation.

My heart began beating furiously. It was still months away but I found myself stressing over every detail. Did I have enough credits? Did I submit all my college applications on time? I knew that last question was a yes. In fact, I think I was slightly early on all the deadlines. Would I get in?

"Today's the day," I heard a female voice say from in front of me. "I hope I got into Berkeley."

Jane Swanson was chatting with her partner, and I realized what day it was. How could I have forgotten? Today was the day where colleges started announcing their acceptance. Today would be the day I would find out where I would spend the next four years. Did I get in? Before I could dwell on it any longer, class had begun.

~oOo~

"Sorry, son, I didn't mean to keep you waiting."

I looked up form my book and saw my dad walk into his office, throwing his lab coat on his chair. I marked my spot in the book, and then slipped it back into my backpack.

"It's okay. Heidi told me you were in surgery."

"You hungry?"

"Starving."

He grinned at me. "Then what do you say we blow this joint and get some grub?" His keys jingled from his fingers and I laughed.

"Dad, just stop trying to be cool. It's not working." I slipped my jacket on and headed for the door.

"I resent that. I'm hanging with my son; I think that makes me pretty cool." Laughing, he clapped his hand down on my shoulder as we walked out to his car.

We chatted about nothing as we drove to Sully's Drive-In. We both always ordered the same meal - double bacon cheeseburgers, side of curly fries, and large sodas. As we waited for our food, Dad told me about an upcoming conference in Chicago that he would be attending.

"So, would you like to come with me?"

I choked on my soda. "What?" Dad never took anyone with him to conferences, not even Mom.

"I just think it would be good for you. You would get to see your grandfather, and the conference is being held at Northwestern."

_Aha!_

"Northwestern, huh?" I asked as the person at the counter called out our name. I watched as my dad gave me a quick smile before getting up to grab the tray of food.

"What do you say? Road trip...well, flight trip with just the two of us?"

I grabbed my burger and added more ketchup - they never put enough on. "You do know that Northwestern is already my top pick for medical school, right? There's no need to sell it to me."

"I know," he replied, shifting in his seat. "It's just that, well, I didn't get to go with you and your mother when you did the campus tour, and I would just really like to show you around myself. You know, all the 'cool' places." I laughed as his fingers formed air quotations when he said cool. "But seriously, what do you think?"

I took a sip of my soda, contemplating. Who the hell was I kidding? "Yes, of course!"

"Good, I'll make the necessary arrangements." He paused, taking a bite of his burger. "Today's the day. You nervous?"

I shrugged. "Not really. I mean, it's just the first day of the announcements. I may not hear anything for a few days."

"I'm sure you got in everywhere you applied."

I rolled my eyes. "You're my father, you're supposed to say things like that."

"What? Can't a father be proud of his son?"

I let out a huff and went back to eating my food. Truth was, I was terrified that I wouldn't get into Northwestern. I mean, I knew that med school was still far off but that didn't stop me from stressing. I was doing anything I could to ensure that I would be accepted to Northwestern when I applied in two years. I had to get in; I had to go there. I did not want to disappoint my family, most importantly my dad.

My entire life was filled with stories from my father's time in college. Carlisle Cullen graduated with honors from a private school in Chicago and had his pick of relatively anywhere he wanted to go. Everyone thought he would go to Yale like his father, but he surprised the family when he chose to study at Oxford. My dad saw travel as something every young person should try. It wasn't an option, it was a necessity. His father saw it as a frivolous decision of a privileged teenager. Rumor has it they didn't speak for the entire time he was at Oxford. After my dad did his time in England, he returned to Chicago and took his spot at Northwestern, continuing the tradition of Cullens there. It was there that he met my mom. It was pretty much a given that I would be the next Cullen to follow in that line. I could never pinpoint the exact moment where I became the chosen Cullen, it was just always there. My older brother Emmett, he was more the sports guy, never caring much for the scholastic part. He was currently down at UCLA, majoring in football and girls. And then there was Alice; she took more after our mom, heavily interested in design - whether it was interior or fashion.

Me, I wanted to be just like my father - a respected doctor with a family. Northwestern, by way of Oxford or Yale, was my ticket there.

~oOo~

"_You may hate me but it ain't no lie, baby, bye bye bye!"_

I cringed as I closed the front door. Alice was going through a major boy band phase. Well, technically she'd been in a boy band phase since New Kids on the Block, even though she discovered them a few years after the craze. My sister was nothing if not random. Sighing, I went upstairs and pushed open Alice's bedroom door. I laughed as I watched Alice mimic the dance sequences off her TV. She turned suddenly, doing some fancy move with her feet, and saw me standing there.

"AHHH!" she screamed, clutching her heart. "Edward! Make a noise next time!"

"Maybe if you weren't blasting this you would have heard me!" I shouted.

"What?" she shouted back.

I rolled my eyes and turned down her TV. "I have a lesson with Mrs. Gregory in a few minutes."

Alice plopped down on her bed and began flipping through her BOP magazine. "I got the new one in the mail today. Justin and Britney are still denying they're together. It's just sad." I sat down on the edge of her bed. "Oh, and you got a few envelopes from some schools. I put them on your bed in case you didn't want Mom and Dad to know that they've started arriving."

"Thanks, Alice," I said, softly. Nervousness crept through me just like it did every time I thought about picking a school - picking between them. In a way, I wished I could have just applied to one. Then I wouldn't have to decide if I got into multiple, but then there was the whole problem of 'which one did I want?' and 'what if I didn't get into that one?'.

"It'll be fine, Edward. Just don't stress."

"Easy for you to say; you still have two more years."

She sat up, turning to me. "You could too, you know. Nobody's forcing you to graduate early.

I fell back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. We had this conversation every time the topic of college came up. I knew that Alice didn't want me to go, but I honestly didn't think I could stay at this school much longer. It wasn't just the student body; it was the fact that there literally weren't any more classes I could take.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said, lying down next to me.

"It's okay, Alice. I'm going to miss you, too."

We laid there in silence until the doorbell rang, signaling the start of my piano lesson. I loved playing music; it was something that was totally mine. No one else in my family, as far as I knew, played any instruments. Alice tried her hand at the clarinet when she was younger, but gave that up within a month. I spent the next hour and a half working through a series of chords and just losing myself in the melodies. Before I knew it, time was up and my mom was setting dinner on the table. The smell of lasagna wafted through the house and I walked into the dining room right as my mom was bringing out the salad.

"It smells delicious, Mom."

"Thanks, sweetie." She wiped her hands on her pants and looked around. "I think that's good. Your father should be home any minute. You want to call Alice?"

I nodded and headed upstairs to get Alice. My dad was coming in the front door right as we came back down. He smiled and followed us into the dining room. Dinners were always chatty with us, everyone trying to talk about their day. Both my parents kept glancing at me, and I knew what they wanted. I hoped that they would interpret my silence as if nothing happened. When we reached dessert and nothing was mentioned, I breathed a sigh of relief. As I helped mom clear the plates, my dad patted me on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, son. There's always tomorrow."

I nodded, feeling extremely guilty for not saying anything. I mean, I know that I hadn't even looked at them yet, but I should have told them, right? It wasn't like they were forcing picks on me - even though my grandfather dropped Yale into every conversation that we had. He even offered to pay for my college education if I chose to go to Yale. I bypassed Alice's room and plopped down on my bed. The crinkle of paper reminded me that I probably just bent my future. I rolled to the side, pulling the envelopes out from under me. Flipping on my light, I sat up and finally looked at them.

Stanford.

John Hopkins.

University of North Carolina Chapel Hill

Three of the fifteen or so that I sent out.

I stared at the rectangular envelopes in my hands, all the same size. Big meant you got in, right? So, that was a good sign. I sighed, heavily, not welcoming the imminent decision that was coming before me. How do people choose?

I flopped back down on my bed, throwing my arm over my eyes. No word yet. That's okay, it was only the first day. Even if I didn't get in, I could pick from the remaining. John Hopkins was a great school...in Maryland. The thought of being so far away from home was both terrifying and exhilarating – I just didn't know which was stronger - which was ridiculous because Oxford was in another freaking country. Realizing I wasn't going to settle anything tonight, I tossed the unopened envelopes into my desk drawer and got ready for bed.

~oOo~

_Ok, English paper due today. Quiz in calculus after lunch. Free period meeting with DJ to go over French project. Not too mention meeting with French club at 3. Ugh, why did I put off homework last night?_

I was pushing my way through the morning crowd in the hallway, trying to get to my locker and going over what I needed to do that day. I could literally kick myself for going to bed so early last night. Now, I had a mountain of homework to do on top of what I was sure to get today. Looks like I'd be working through my lunch period.

"Hi, Edward," a sweet voice came from behind me.

I spun quickly - a little too quickly. I lost my footing and fell backwards into the row of lockers.

"Oh, are you okay?" I pushed my glasses up my nose and found myself staring into the beautiful blue eyes of Tanya Denali.

Tanya Denali.

The girl I'd been in love with ever since we moved to Forks five years ago.

And the one who stars in my extracurricular fantasies, as Emmett would call them.

"He's fine; he just can't walk and talk at the same time." Jessica Stanley, Tanya's best friend, was standing next to her with her arms crossed over her chest, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else than talking to me.

Tanya just rolled her eyes and looked back to me. "Listen, Edward, I was wondering of you could help me with Mrs. Berry's study guide. I've tried and tried and no matter what I do, I just can't get it to make sense."

Tanya was asking me for help? I swallowed audibly. "Um, yeah, sure. I – I could do that."

A wide grin spread over her face. "Sweet! Does lunch work for you? The sooner the better would work great for me."

_Well, there goes my homework time._

"Yeah, that's good. Meet you outside on the quad?" Points for me, I didn't stumble over any of that.

Tanya nodded. "See you then." She turned to walk down the hallway but stopped suddenly as she looked outside. "Whoa, what is that?"

A few people walking by stopped at her exclamation and looked out the window. The hallway filled with oohs and ahhs as everyone looked towards the sky. Off in the distance, the unusually blue sky was filling with cylinder shaped clouds, funneling down at the bottom, causing them to look like little tornados in the sky.

"Those are lenticular clouds," I said without thinking. "They're caused when the wind hits just right over Mt. Rainer, and the air gets pushed upward where it's cool and condenses it into clouds."

"Who the hell talks like that?" Jessica whispered loudly to Tanya.

I could feel my cheeks starting to burn as everyone stared at me. I tightened my grip around my notebook, hugging it to my chest. "It means it's going to rain within 24 hours," I mumbled, turning quickly and all but running down the hallway.

"Freak," I heard someone mutter behind me.

I didn't stop until I was safely inside the classroom, hunching down in my seat and trying to disappear. Nobody talked to me, as usual. Everyone just looked over me as if I wasn't there, and right now that was perfectly okay with me. And that's how the rest of my morning progressed. I had finally calmed my nerves, only to have them spark back up at lunch when I saw Tanya sitting at a picnic table in the quad, her long blonde hair blowing in the wind.

Tanya came from a well-off family like I did. Her father was some respected, multimillionaire real estate developer who played golf with my father in Seattle every once in awhile. The rumor was that her father was trying to develop some big mall in Sequim, so he had relocated his family here while he fought with the Olympic National Park people over protected land and endangered species. Not much else was known about her since she tended to keep to herself. But she was the 'shiny new toy', as everyone called her - people just flocked around her.

But now here she was, without anyone around her. Waiting for me.

_Breathe, Edward. And don't spout out random nonsense._

"Tanya?"

She turned, her face breaking out into a grin. "Edward! I was hoping you didn't forget."

_As if I could._

I chuckled, nervously, running my hand through my hair. "Nope, I'm here." _Duh_. "Are you ready to get started?" She nodded as I sat across from her. We both pulled out our history books, and I grabbed the discussion questions from my notebook.

"What part were you having trouble with?"

She sighed, pushing back her hair. "The whole Enlightenment thing. I just don't understand it."

I nodded, at least now I had a place to start. I took a deep breath and began. "Okay, well, the Enlightenment was basically the aftermath of the Scientific Revolution. It was a belief in natural law and universal order and the confidence in human reason that spread to influence all of 18th century society. People like Newton, Descartes, and John Locke all helped foster this belief. This brought along confidence in the ability to discover causality, assault on authority, a cosmopolitan solidarity of enlightened intellectuals, and autonomy of reason. People strove for perfection and progress. The principles of governing nature, man, and society were challenged." My voice was getting louder with enthusiasm as I progressed. I paused to take a breath, looking up. Tanya was staring at me, her mouth open. I grinned sheepishly, hunching down on the bench.

Without warning, Tanya dropped her head to the table, banging it on her book. "I'm going to fail this test," she muttered into the spine.

"No, you're not. Okay, let's just start again. I'll go slower." She looked up, propping her head on her arm. "The Enlightenment was basically a term applied to the mainstream of thought during 18th century Europe and America."

*********

The rest of the week passed in a blur, and it was Friday afternoon before I knew it. The hallway at school was filled with noise as seniors chatted about where they were off to come fall. Alice walked beside me, unusually quiet. I had yet to hear from either Yale or Oxford, and I was beginning to freak out. What if I disappointed them both? Forget having to pick between the two, I would just be a failure and probably end up at Harvard.

"Edward? Edward, are you even listening to me?"

"What?" I asked, not even hearing the question.

Alice sighed and pointed straight ahead. "You have a visitor."

I followed the point of her finger and saw Tanya leaning against my car. What did she want? As I got closer, she lifted her head and smiled at me, causing my heart to do about a million flip-flops.

"T-Tanya?" I asked, stuttering her name like an idiot.

"Hey, Edward," she said, pushing herself off of my car. She glanced at Alice quickly before turning back to me. I heard Alice let out a huff as she climbed in the passenger seat. "I just wanted to thank you for all of your help. I got a B on the test."

I smiled back at her. "Congratulations."

"Well, I couldn't have done it without you," she replied, reaching out and straightening my glasses.

And for once, I was happy that those damn things kept sliding down my nose.

"Thanks," I mumbled. I could feel my face heating up where her fingers had touched me.

"So, I know its last minute and everything, but are you going to Damon's party tonight?"

I just stared at her. When was the last time I went to a party? Actually, when was the last time I was invited to a party? Certainly not any time during high school. I realized Tanya was waiting for my answer.

"Um, I hadn't planned on it," I said, shuffling my feet back and forth. "And I don't think that I was invited." I said the last part a little more quietly.

Tanya pushed her hair behind her ear. "Well, everyone's invited. And besides, I'm inviting you right now."

A loud honk interrupted us, and I looked behind Tanya to see Alice leaning over to the driver's side, her arm resting on the steering wheel as she glared at me.

"Well, you should come," Tanya said, glancing back at Alice and then walking away.

I quickly climbed into my car and jammed the key in the ignition. I could feel Alice staring at me as I shifted the car into reverse. It wasn't until we were pulling into the driveway that I finally said something.

"Did you really have to do that?"

"What?" she turned in her seat to face me. "Oh, come on, Edward. She's totally using you."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, fighting the urge to yell at my sister. "What, Alice? Is it that impossible that she may actually like me? No, don't answer that. You obviously think so highly of me that a girl liking me is too preposterous for you to comprehend." I didn't give her a chance to respond as I flew out of the car and headed straight to my room, throwing my backpack in the corner, and flopping face first onto my bed.

The problem was Alice was most likely right. Tanya had never even talked to me until she needed help. I was pathetic. I was going to go to college a virgin.

_But you're only 16._

I shushed away my internal voice. What did it matter if I was 16? Emmett lost his virginity at 14. A quiet knock on my door revived me from my self-loathing.

"Come in," I shouted, pushing myself over onto my back.

The door opened, and Alice poked her head around, glancing cautiously at me. I stared at the ceiling, signaling my noncompliance to talk to her. I heard her sigh and then the quiet sound of her feet as she walked over to me.

"I just wanted to bring you these." She placed something next to my arm and headed back for the door. "And just for the record, I don't think you're lame, or a dork, or anything else you feel that you are."

There was a soft click, and I was once again alone and now felt like shit. I don't know how long I laid there; the sun lowering and the change of colors in my room were the only things telling me time was passing. My stomach rumbled, deciding it was time to move. I sat up, my palm pushing into the envelopes on my bed. My hunger was instantly forgotten as I saw the return addresses on two of the three envelopes.

University of Oxford.

Yale University.

It figures they would both come on the same day. With shaking fingers, I opened them up, already knowing my fate based on the envelope sizes. My mouth was dry as I thought about the decision I would have to make, my heart pounding. I read over the enclosed letters…multiple times…before throwing them on the bed.

About three things I was absolutely positive:

I was going to the party.

I was going to consume alcohol.

And I was going to get laid.

~oOo~

Well, I was at the party. That was the first step, right? However, I was secluded in a corner, holding a bottled water in my hands, and watching as everyone around me danced to the music, completely oblivious of me. I didn't even know why I was there.

"Edward! You came!" I looked up in time to see Tanya stumbling towards me. I could tell she had already had a little to drink by the way she was swaying on her heels. I stood up from the faded couch I had taken residence on, reaching out and grabbing onto Tanya's elbow as she stumbled. "Such a gentlemen," she cooed.

I grinned sheepishly, happy that she had noticed me there. Her eyes roamed over me, and I was immediately self-conscience. I wasn't built by any means; in fact, I was downright scrawny. Emmett used to try to get me to work out with him, but after throwing up after that one mile run, he never asked me again.

"Edward, what are you drinking?" I held up my bottle and shrugged. Tanya shook her head and grabbed my hand. "Let's get you a real drink."

I let her pull me through the crowd into the kitchen, stopping at the keg that was in the middle of the room. I glanced around nervously. The only other time I had consumed alcohol was one weekend when our parents were gone, and Emmett told me the clear liquid was Sprite. Well, there had been Sprite in it. I turned back to Tanya in time to see a red cup being shoved at me. I took it hesitantly. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I held it, deciding what I should do. I thought about my dad and then about the letters on my bed. Without any further hesitation, I chugged the cup in one - no, five - gulps.

Twenty minutes later, give or take, and the music was pumping through me. I had never felt freer. I threw back my head and sang along as I moved clumsily to the beat.

"_Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole, Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold, now they droppin and yellin ', it's a tad bit late, Nate Dogg and Warren G. had to regulate_."

Tanya leaned forward, placing her hand on my shoulder. I bent down so I could hear her over the music. "Damn, Edward, where did you learn to rap?"

"My older brother, Emmett. He listens to this while he works out." Her eyes widened, but her hand never left my shoulder. In fact, it slid around my neck as she moved her body closer to mine. I took another gulp from my cup as Tanya began grinding her body up against me. I tried to take a step back, but she stepped with me, never leaving room between our bodies. I closed my eyes as I tried to will away the problem that was now arising in my pants. My breathing was now coming in quick gasps as the friction intensified.

_Calm! Calm! Calm!_

Nothing was working. With more brute force than I thought I contained, I pushed Tanya away from me and hurried into the kitchen.

"You back for more, man?"

Damon, the party host, was leaning against the keg, cup in his hand. I nodded and held out my now empty cup. With a grin, he filled it for me, and I wasted no time in chugging that one down.

"Looks like someone has a problem there," a voice said next to Damon.

"Dude, why the fuck are you looking at his dick?" Damon asked, sounding disgusted.

"Dude, why were you?" the voice answered.

I turned quickly, pushing my way through people until I was in a hallway. My vision was beginning to seem a little off; everything was slightly tilted, and my head felt disconnected from the rest of my body. I looked down into my drink. _How many had I had?_ I felt along the wall until my hand closed around a doorknob. Pushing it open, I stumbled inside pausing while my eyes adjusted to the dark. It was room, a bedroom I assumed as there was a bed in the far corner.

A bed. Which made me think of my bed and the impending decision I had to make.

I closed the door behind me, my head beginning to throb. My feet shuffled as I walked to the bed, placing my drink on the nightstand, and collapsed onto the comforter. I stared up at the ceiling, visions of my future flowing before my eyes. I don't know how long I laid there when I heard the small creak of the door opening.

"There you are," Tanya said, shutting the door behind her.

I lifted my head up and watched her walk over to me. She placed her cup next to mine and slowly climbed on top of me.

"I thought you left me," she pouted, her lips close to my ear. I couldn't breathe. And not because she was sitting on top of me.

"Tanya." Her response was to place small kisses down my neck. "Tanya," I tried again.

"Hmm?"

"I -" her lips trailed over my Adam's apple until she was on the other side. "I think -" My mind was getting hazy as her lips moved closer to my mouth.

"Yes?" she mumbled against my skin.

"I think I love you."

We both froze. I couldn't believe I just said that. Stupid alcohol. This is why you shouldn't drink. No control over what may come out of your mouth. I was horrified and wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and die.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't...I shouldn't...I didn't mean to say that." I tried to get up, which was extremely hard considering Tanya wasn't moving.

"Edward." I stopped fidgeting, propping myself up on my elbows. "It's okay. It's good, actually." I looked at her, a little bewildered. She laughed. "I'm flattered. It's good that you find me attractive."

"Of course I do! I mean, you're gorgeous," I said quickly, my mouth not caring what words I spewed up. She smiled down at me, and I turned away, busying myself with drinking the last of my drink. I placed the empty cup back on the table with conviction.

"You're cute," Tanya giggled, her finger tracing the side of my face.

"No, I'm not," I mumbled. "I'm a nerd. With glasses that won't stay up." As if to emphasize my point, I pushed them up the bridge of my nose.

"You're not a nerd. You're smart."

"Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm really smart," I agreed.

"Very smart."

"I'm a genius!" I shouted with authority. My celebration was cut short as Tanya slammed her lips to mine, greedily attacking my mouth. My mind began racing a mile a minute. What do I do with my hands? Do I put them in her hair? Do girls like that, or is that only when they're giving you a blow job?

_Oh God, don't think of blow jobs._

I opened my mouth, trying to take a breath. Tanya saw that as an opportunity, and her tongue slipped in between my lips. It took a few seconds for me to process what was happening before I started responding. I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just began moving my tongue similarly to hers. It felt a little awkward but delightful at the same time.

Tanya moved her mouth back down to my neck, allowing me to finally take a breath. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. No one was gonna believe this. I must have stopped moving, lost in my thoughts because I heard her whisper in my ear, "Are you okay?"

God must hate me for what I blurted out next.

"I have an erection."

_What?_

I was instantly horrified for the second time in less than an hour. Tanya chuckled into my neck. "Well, that's a good thing."

She began to move her hips, very slowly over me. I threw my head back, banging it against the headboard as Tanya's hips picked up speed. This was like every fantasy come true. I was breathing so hard I sounded like I had a sinus condition, but that didn't stop her. And then I could feel it. I could feel the pressure building. It was becoming too intense and I didn't know how to stop it. So close...so very close.

And then it came up.

I turned to the side so fast that Tanya fell on the floor as I emptied my stomach onto the plush carpeting.

~oOo~

I really couldn't tell you much about the rest of the evening. The next thing I remember was being in Damon's front yard, getting to know the bushes really well. Somehow, during my purging, I called Alice. However, my genius mind wasn't thinking that she was a year younger than me and therefore didn't drive yet. About fifteen minutes later, my dad was leading me to the car.

He didn't say anything as he drove home, just rolled down the window so I could breathe in the cold, Washington air. By the time we pulled into the driveway, I was starting to realize how badly I'd screwed up. This time it was my turn not to speak as I shuffled myself upstairs and collapsed on my bed.

"Just a suggestion, but you may want to change." I heard my dad say behind me, flipping on the light.

I groaned into my pillow knowing he was right. I somehow managed to pull off my shirt and toss it in the general direction of the hamper. My pants were a little more of a struggle, but I eventually succeeded and they ended up somewhere near the shirt. I felt the edge of the bed sink down.

"Edward, what happened?"

I didn't want to tell him, but I knew that at some point I was going to have to. Reaching underneath me, I grabbed the envelopes and their corresponding letters.

"I'm a failure," I said, shoving them at him. I didn't - no, couldn't look at him as he took the mail from me.

"Son, you got into Yale. That's fantastic!" I waited. "Edward," he said softly. And there it was.

"I didn't get in."

"Edward," he said again.

I held up a hand, keeping my face pressed in my pillow. "Just don't," I mumbled. "I just...I just want to go to sleep."

"Okay, son." I felt him pat my back and the bed dipped as he stood. "We'll talk more tomorrow."

I didn't say anything as the room was plunged into darkness and my door shut, closing me in here with my thoughts. What was I going to do? It was funny how this whole time I had been worried about picking between the two, Oxford and Yale, but now that I didn't have to pick, I wanted the other option. I had never realized how much I had my heart set on Oxford.

_Dear Mr. Cullen...thank you for your interest...we regret to inform you..._

I pulled the blanket over my head, trying to stop the flow of words but I just kept seeing them. _We regret to inform you..._

_We regret to inform you..._

_We regret to inform you..._

I don't know what time I finally feel asleep, I just knew it was before the sun came up. My head was pounding when I woke up, and I felt like I had been hit by a truck...carrying piles of bricks...going at least 60mph. There was a glass of water and some aspirin on my night stand that I sucked down before crawling into the shower. The warm water felt good on my skin as I stood there, letting it roll off of me. Bits and pieces of the previous night flickered through my mind, and wished that truck had at least knocked me out longer.

Once I was dressed, I headed downstairs. The house was unusually quiet for a Saturday morning and I wondered if I'd somehow gotten lucky and everyone was gone. That feeling disappeared the moment I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad sitting at the table going through a pile of papers. He looked up when I entered and smiled softly.

"Your mom and Alice are in Seattle for the day," he said. I nodded, and then regretted it. "How do you feel?"

"Like crap," I muttered, sitting down across from him.

"I bet."

I traced the marble of the table with my fingertip as we sat in silence. I knew he wanted to talk about it, but I wasn't going to bring it up. I didn't want to hear how I had disappointed him, or how my grandfather would be proud about Yale.

"Edward," he began.

"Dad -"

"No," he interrupted. "Let me say this." He leaned over, placing his elbows on the table. "Edward, I am extremely proud of you. I found these in your drawer last night. You left it open." I realized that the stack of papers were my admission letters from the numerous colleges I had gotten into. "Son, I don't know why you felt like you had to hide these from me and..." he paused then, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "If I've put any pressure on you, or made you think that I would think less of you if you didn't somehow go to Oxford, then that's my fault. This," he gestured to the pile. "Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia...Edward, this is amazing. You're 16 years old. You have so many great opportunities before you."

"But not Oxford," I mumbled.

He sighed, "No, not Oxford. But Edward, that was my path, not necessarily yours. Besides, you hate the rain, and that's all it does in England." I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped me because he was right. "And I know your grandfather has been pushing Yale on you, just like he did me, but this isn't his choice. And it isn't your mother's or mine. It's yours."

"But how do I choose?" I asked meekly, feeling so terribly small.

"You need to figure out what is right for you. I will help you in any way that I can, but I won't make the decision for you." He pushed the papers in front of me and stood to leave.

"You're not disappointed?"

He walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "No, Edward. Not in the slightest. I am beyond proud of you and can not wait to gloat about all the schools you got into when I return to work tomorrow." He tapped my shoulder lightly and walked out.

I spread out the papers in front of me, one next to the other, as I began the process of the pros and cons.

_Harvard...John Hopkins...Stanford...University of Washington...University of Carolina...Columbia...UCLA...NYU...Dartmouth...Texas A & M...USC...Yale..._

I was going to college

And I was still a virgin.

Hopefully, that last part would change soon...as long as no one found out that I exploded out of the wrong orifice.

I cringed, focusing back on the papers before me.

_Harvard...John Hopkins...Stanford...University of Washington...University of Carolina...Columbia...UCLA...NYU...Dartmouth...Texas A & M...USC...Yale..._

_Yale..._

**~oOo~**

**AN: Well, there ya have it! Thanks again to JAustenlover, such a great idea. Thank you for giving me a chance to explore my Edward a little bit more. I hope you all enjoyed it!**


	3. A Thanksgiving of Surprises

**AN:** I wanted to do something a little for Thanksgiving, so I sat down and literally wrote this in about 3 hours. Thanks to megsly07 for looking over it and telling me if it made sense or not. All errors are my own. Ages: Edward - 18, Emmett - 21, and Alice - 17. Please enjoy and everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

**~oOo~**

**A Thanksgiving of Surprises**

**Carlisle POV**

"Emmett! Mom said to mash the potatoes, not cream them," Alice whined as her older brother hitched the bowl higher above her head so she couldn't see what he was doing.

I chuckled to myself as I leaned against the door frame of the kitchen. No one had heard me come home yet and I enjoyed just watching my family. Alice and Emmett were in front of the sink, my daughter desperately trying to look over her brothers shoulder as he continued to stir the potatoes. Emmett was laughing, leaning against the ledge slightly as to alleviate pressure off of his knee. I was briefly overcome with sadness when I thought about the injury that destroyed the cartilage in Emmett's knee, resulting in the end of his football career. Even though he never let let on, I knew Emmett was disappointed. But my oldest son was never one to sit and sulk, and he's making the best of this curve in his life. Esme told me recently that he met someone and is pretty serious about her. I can't wait to meet the woman who can put my son in his place.

And speaking of my wife, I looked to my left and saw Esme bent over the open oven, checking the temperature of the turkey so that it comes out just perfect. She'd been fretting all over the house this entire week in anticipation of having both her boys home for the holiday. Which brought me to Edward. I smiled as I saw him sitting at the dinning room table hunched over a school book. I couldn't even begin to express how proud of him I was. At the rate he was going, he would be finished with his undergrad at the end of the spring quarter. I shook my head, _Three years._ When I looked back up Edward met my eye and smiled.

"Dad!" He pushed his chair back, banging it into the wall as he ran over and flung his arms around me. At 18, he was finally filling out a little bit - that scrawny boy who used to follow me around the hospital slipping away. "Mom said you wouldn't be home until closer to dinner time."

"I talked my way into leaving early. My two boys back. Pulled at the heartstrings." We both laughed as Alice bounded over and kissed my cheek before dashing back to the counter.

"Yo Pops!" Emmett called, tipping the bowl in salute causing both Edward and I to laugh.

Patting Edward on the shoulder, I walked over to Esme and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "How long has he been studying?" I whispered into her hair.

She sighed and glanced at Edward, who was back at the table. "Since he arrived." I kissed her again, trying to soothe her worry. Esme thought that Edward was letting life pass him by, that he spent too much time studying and not enough living. But I knew my son, he was exactly like me right down to the same work ethic. I gave her one more kiss before asking what needed to be done. Edward chose that moment to close his book and come help me chop vegetables.

Mindless chatter filled the kitchen as everyone began talking - or shouting - at once. I laughed as Edward threw a piece of cucumber at Emmett and hit Alice instead. Edward immediately began apologizing while Alice chased him around the island throwing pieces of bread at him. Edward, halfway around the island the second time, grabbed the bowl full of the cucumber slices and began pelting his sister with them as she continued to chase him. I locked eyes with my wife and we just shook our heads. After the great bread vs cucumber war was over, Alice began pulling out plates to set the table. It was her thing and she did it ever year, never letting anyone else help. I watched her out of the corner of my eye and quickly counted the number of settings she had out.

"Are we expecting someone?" I asked, turning to Esme.

"Edward's friend from school. Casper or something." Alice answered as she walked by me to grab silverware.

"Jasper," Edward said exasperatedly. "For the thousandth time Alice, his name is Jasper."

"I like Casper. It reminds me of the movie and Devon Sawa...he was hot," Alice said dreamily while Edward rolled his eyes in disgust.

"Notice you said 'was'," Emmett pointed out causing us all to look at him. He just shrugged and walked to the fridge.

Esme wiped her hand on a towel and said, "Well, I think we're set for now. Everything is pretty much prepared, so there's not much to do until the turkey is closer to being done."

"Perfect. We can probably catch the end of the game. You guys up for it?" I looked at my two sons, one looked excited while the other gave me a nonchalant shrug. Laughing, I threw my arm around Edward. "Come on, I can explain the rules as we watch. It's really not that difficult." He threw me a murderous glare as he pushed my arm off his shoulder and walked into the living room with Alice behind him. I grabbed my wife's hand and began leading her out of the kitchen.

"Oh, sweetie," Esme said, stopping and turning to Emmett. "Can you check the temperature on the turkey one more time? It has about two hours to go and I just -"

"Want it to be perfect," both Emmett and I said.

"Come on, honey. Let's go relax for a few minutes."

We all convened in the family room and watched the game, well, most of us watched the game. Edward pretended to be amused, Esme kept looking towards the kitchen, and Alice was on the phone with her friend, Angela. When the doorbell rang, Edward was out of his seat so fast, thankful to be away from the game. I heard voices in the foyer and I guessed that his friend had arrived. Sure enough, Edward walked back into the room with a tall, lanky boy following behind him. It didn't escape my attention that Alice immediately shut her cell phone and sat up straighter.

"Hey guys, this is my friend, Jasper. Jasper, this is my brother, Emmett. My parents, Esme and Carlisle. And my little sister, Alice."

Alice stood up and thrust her hand toward Jasper. "I'm not that little."

"Alice!" Esme gasped.

Our daughter looked over her shoulder with her innocent eyes. "What?"

"Welcome to the family, Jazz," Emmett greeted, raising his soda.

"Thanks for having me over," Jasper said as he sat down on the love seat next to Alice, who beamed. _Oh no, I know her crush face when I see it. _And so did Edward who shot me a look before taking his seat on the sofa next to Emmett.

"Oh, it's no trouble at all," Alice reassured. "We love company."

Edward opened his mouth to say something and I was fairly certain it wasn't going to be very nice, so I stepped in. "Yes, we do. So, Jasper, where is your family, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh not at all. My folks are back in Texas, where I'm from. Timing this year just didn't work well with school work and everything. But I'll see them at Christmas."

"Are you premed like Edward?" Alice asked, leaning over.

"Um, no. I'm a history major. I don't think I could deal with all that science. No offense, sir."

Sir? I looked over at my wife who gave me a knowing smile. When did I get to be a _sir_? Esme patted my hand and went back to talking to our new guest. Jasper fell right in with us, shouting with Emmett at the football game and then discussing Renaissance history with Esme, who always loved that era. Pretty soon, we were all laughing at tales of fraternity hi-jinks from Emmett that no one realized how much time had passed.

"What is that smell?" Emmett asked.

"It smells like something's burning," Edward piped in.

We all realized it at the same time. Everyone jumped up from the couch and ran into the kitchen. The smell seemed to be coming from the oven. Emmett and I ran toward it. I reached it first and quickly shut off the temperature at the same time Emmett threw open the door. Smoke billowed out bringing tears to my eyes.

"Oh no!" I heard Esme exclaim. "What happened?"

Emmett grabbed the oven mitts and pulled out the bird. It was like one of those family sitcoms where the turkey burns and everyone has a good laugh. Only this wasn't TV and our turkey was black as night.

Esme took one look at the turkey and rounded on Emmett. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! I swear!" He held up his hands in a protective manner. "You told me to check on the temperature and I did. It didn't seem like it was cooking fast enough so I may have turned the heat up just a bit." He quickly jumped to the side and hid behind Edward who was trying extremely hard not to laugh.

Esme's eyes narrowed as she grabbed the neatly chopped cucumber that had replaced the one lost in the war. She took a step toward the boys, raised her hand and launched a slice. Edward ducked in time and Emmett took the hit in the nose. She grabbed another piece.

"Why" throw "would you" throw "even touch" throw "that oven?"

"Mom! I'm sorry!" Emmett was dodging behind everything and everyone trying to get away from the flying food. "I was trying to help!"

"Help?" Esme screeched, grabbing a handful of vegetables. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her back to me while Emmett hid behind a laughing Jasper.

"Honey, honey, calm down. It's okay." I was trying really hard not to laugh as I wrestled the bowl away from my wife and set it on the counter. "It's okay," I said again. I felt her begin to melt into my arms and I smirked. _Yup, I still got it_.

"Get a room," Emmett muttered and I shot him a glare. He mumbled an apology and began picking up the random pieces of cucumber. Edward and Jasper soon followed suit as Alice grabbed a plastic bag. Esme looked up and seemed to remember Jasper was there.

"Oh, Jasper, I'm so sorry."

Jasper just shrugged. "It's no problem, Mrs. Cullen. Actually, it kinda reminds me of my family. Only the fire department didn't need to be called." He smiled and threw the piece of cucumber he was holding at Edward.

Edward batted it away and looked around at all of us. "Forks Diner?"

"Fork's Diner." We all agreed.

~oOo~

It wasn't the perfect Thanksgiving. The turkey was a little bit dry, the cranberries weren't fresh, and the gravy wasn't homemade. But the mashed potatoes weren't soup and we were surrounded by other friends and families who's own dinners didn't turn out quite right.

"So," I asked as we all sat digesting our food. "What are we thankful for?" My family groaned at my lameness, I assume.

"Well, I for one am thankful for new friends," Jasper spoke up in between the grumblings of my loving family. Alice practically swooned while Edward rolled his eyes.

"I'm thankful for Rosie and her sexual healing." Emmett toasted with a gleam in his eyes. I gave him a stern look to which he just smiled.

"Gross, Emmett," Edward said. He cleared his throat. "I'm thankful for my family, of course. Dad, thank you for everything." I smiled at him, pride surging through me at man he was becoming. "And I'm thankful for new friend also. Jasper, welcome to the family," he joked as he clinked glasses with his friend.

"My turn," Alice said excitedly. "I'm thankful for my family, duh. Thankful that I'm almost done with high school. And thankful that Edward has such good looking friends."

"Alice!" Esme chided as both Jasper and Edward turned bright red.

"Your turn, Mom," Alice said grinning.

"Well, I'm thankful that my boys came home this holiday," she sniffed. "Oh, and that my husband is such a stud!"

Everyone laughed.

"Well, Dad. What about you?" Edward asked, smiling at me from across the table.

I looked around at all the smiling faces and felt a sense of peace, of happiness.

I sat up, holding my glass of Chardonnay up. "I am thankful for family that I have been blessed with and am thankful that, with a beautiful wife, I have raised three very driven children who will no doubt run this world someday." Our glasses clinked together as Esme leaned over and we shared a sweet kiss.

"So, we're gonna rule the world, huh?" Emmett said, wriggling his eyebrows.

Jasper looked around the table before taking a drink of his soda. "Heaven help us all."

**~oOo~**

**AN: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!**


	4. No Place Like Underworld Tsunami collab

**No Place Like Underworld**

**A/N: This is a crossover o/s with the James from No Place Like Home by tellingmelies and Jasper from Underworld by LyricalKris written for the Fandom Fights Tsunami. It stands alone but you might enjoy it a little more if you knew those stories. **

James shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, sheltering them from the chilly breeze that had recently picked up as he walked down the Seattle sidewalk. It wasn't the first time he had been kicked out of a club for rowdy behavior, however this time he was in a city he didn't really know and was now just wandering aimlessly through the streets. It was still early and he didn't want to go back to the hotel just yet, besides he wasn't nearly as drunk as he wanted to be.

Coming to a four-way stop, he paused, looking around. Across the street was a McDonald's, it's neon arches glowing in the night like a beacon. _They probably could see that shit on Mars. _James laughed to himself before his stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything since that morning. Food would probably be a good idea since he planned on consuming more alcohol before the night was over. He was about to cross the street when something to the right caught his eye.

A red light flashed at the end of the dark alleyway, disappearing for a beat then returning. Forgetting all about the food, he turned and headed down the narrow road. Dumpsters lined the street, their smell seeping out and turning James's stomach. He quickened his pace, the light growing brighter the closer he got. After walking what seemed to be the length of a football field, the alleyway opened up to another city street. The light flashed again to his left, drawing his attention to the brick building. He noticed that with every flash of light, a sign was illuminated above the door.

Underworld.

People were standing around the door, talking to the doorman or to each other. A few stood off to the side, leaning against the bricks, smoking. Their outfits were unlike anything he had ever seen. Leather and metal and skin. James grinned and walked up to the door, getting in line behind a girl in a pleated skirt that barely covered her ass. He was too busy watching the way it moved up as she walked that he didn't see the doorman until the arm shot out in front of him, blocking the entrance.

"You gotta pay to play," the man said, crossing his arms over his chest. The guy looked James up and down, raising an eyebrow. James looked down at his outfit. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a black button down shirt, much better than the fishnet looking shirt the bouncer was wearing.

Rolling his eyes, James paid the man his cover and was granted access to the club. He stood just inside the door, taking in the scene before him, planning where best to work his magic. Music pounded throughout the club, vibrating deep in his chest. James winked at two girls sitting at a table next to him before heading toward the bar.

He squeezed himself in between the crowd of people until he was leaning against the bar. He quickly ordered a beer, and then turned around to check out the crowd. His eyes immediately found the girl who had been in front of him outside in line. The skirt she was wearing showed off her very shapely legs and when she bent over – well, damn if you couldn't see all of Victoria's secrets. James grinned to himself, taking a swig of the beer. The girl turned around and met his eyes. James raised his glass in greeting but the girl just dropped her eyes to the floor without acknowledging him. From behind her, another girl emerged, this one dressed in a black pantsuit. She whispered something into the ear of the first girl, who nodded and followed the new girl to the end of the bar.

_Whoa, was that chick wearing a collar?_ James craned his neck to get a better look at the departing duo, but the crowd had already swallowed them. _Kinky_, he thought, smiling to himself.

He stayed like that for a few minutes, just surveying the crowd. He briefly wondered if there was a Marilyn Manson convention or some shit in town based on all the leather people were or weren't wearing, when a head of blond hair at the other end of the bar caught his attention.

"No fucking way," he laughed to himself, pushing off of the bar. Dancing his way smoothly through the crowd, he slid into the recently vacated barstool and patted the shoulder of the man to his right.

"Yo, Jasper, I knew you were a freak, man! You here with the wife? I gotta say, I can't really see Alice here. But I guess you never can tell." James was so busy looking around the crowd, trying to see if he could spot his cousin, that he didn't notice the look of confusion on the other man's face.

The guy shrugged off James's hand from his shoulder. "I don't know how you know my name, but I think you have me confused with -"

James turned back to him, his eyes wide as he figured it out. "Naw, man. I bet you're here with Edward, right? Yeah, this it totally some place that fucker would be."

A look of recognition passed over Jasper's face. "You know Edward?" he asked, intrigued.

James looked at Jasper like he was crazy. "What the fuck you on? Of course I know Edward, he is my cousin after all."

Jasper rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed with the conversation. He downed the amber liquid in his glass before speaking. "You're not Edward's cousin," he said, matter-of-factly.

James paused mid head bob and turned slowly toward Jasper. "Dude, I think you need to put the glass down and call a cab, because you are _gone_! What the fuck do you mean, 'You're not Edward's cousin'? Who the fuck was there at your wedding? Me. Whose family did you fucking marry into? Mine."

Jasper held his hand up, finally hearing enough. "Look, whatever your name is. I am not married," he held up his left hand for emphasis, wiggling the ringless finger. "So this marriage you speak of has no bearing on me whatsoever." James opened his mouth to speak but Jasper quieted him with one look. "Another thing. I know without a doubt that you have me mistaken for someone else and we both happen to know someone by the name of Edward." Jasper reached into his pocket and withdrew a cell phone. He pushed a few buttons before holding it out to James. "This is my Edward. Not the same, right?"

Placing one hand on the bar, James leaned forward, squinting into the glare of the phone. "Hmm…they both have that weird hair thing, but, yeah, that's not my cousin." He straightened up while Jasper put the phone back in his pocket. "But you gotta admit that's one crazy coincidence. I mean, your name's Jasper and you have an Edward." Jasper smirked, almost as if sharing a private joke with himself. "Well, since I'm not related to you, allow me to introduce myself. I'm James, pleasure to meet you." James held out his hand.

"The pleasure is all mine," Jasper chuckled, grasping James's hand with his own.

James ordered another drink, and then looked out into the crowd again. "Man, this place is something else."

"Your first time, huh?" Jasper asked, not really knowing why he was continuing a conversation with this person.

"You think?" James laughed. "I think I'm under-dressed."

Jasper turned toward James. "Look, man, I think there's some things you should know about here," he started before he was cut off.

"Naw, man, check this out." James nodded to a girl on his left. "Watch me work."

"I'm not so sure you should -"

James just smiled, downed his drink and turned away. He slid up next to a girl with her back to him, sliding his arm over her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder, surprise etched on her face. Her eyes quickly darted to the man next to her, who had yet to notice the intruder, then back to James.

"What's your name, baby?" James asked, in a smooth voice. The girl didn't answer, just looked back around at the guy next to her. Jasper slid off his barstool and began making his way over to what was about to be a disaster. James didn't notice the girl's apprehension and continued talking. "That's cool. Well, uh, you can call me Flintstone, cause I can make your bed rock."

Jasper rolled his eyes at the lame attempt at a pick up right as the guy finally noticed someone was talking to his girl. His eyes narrowed and his hands formed fists.

"Felix," Jasper called, his voice commanding as he distracted the much-larger-than-James man. "Give that one here. He belongs to me."

The bigger man looked highly suspicious. "I didn't see you come in with him. And if he's yours, where's his collar? I didn't think you took subs for more than an evening."

Rolling his eyes, Jasper stepped up to the stranger - James he said his name was - and put a firm hand around his arm. "I'm beginning to think I was right not to in the past. This one is sometimes more trouble than he's worth." He let his hard look tender somewhat as he patted James's hair. "It was a lover's spat, wasn't it, pet?" Looking back at Felix, he shook his head ruefully. "He's just trying to get my attention."

James gave a little, incredulous laugh, trying to tug his arm out of Jasper's grasp. "I don't know what the fuck -"

Jasper whirled, grabbing James's chin with his free hand and holding it in an almost painful grip. "That's enough out of you. Just wait until I get you home. You have a long date with the paddle, and that's just for starters."

"Why wait?" Felix asked, still looking quite irked. "It is me and Jane that he's acted out toward." He pulled the quiet, blond woman onto his lap as he sat down and began petting her softly. "Would that please you, little one? To see this brat brought to justice?"

"Very much, Master," Jane responded, looking over at Jasper and James with a gleeful glint in her eyes.

Jasper took a moment to consider his options, keeping a tight hold on James's chin to keep him from talking. The other man was wiggling like a little child. "I think this one needs a little lesson in humility. Felix, would you be opposed to letting Jane do the honors?"

Jane seemed giddy at the prospect and looked to Felix with pleading eyes. The large man chuckled. "You know I can deny you nothing." He waved for Jasper to get on with it.

Just then, James managed to twist his chin out of the other man's grip. "Listen, buddy, I don't care who you look -"

"Shut up," Jasper demanded, fairly exasperated because why hadn't this idiot caught on yet? "Jane here is going to give you a spanking. What do you think about that?" he taunted.

James's eyes went wide and he looked over at the grinning Jane. He laughed, his lips turning up in a cheeky smile. "That's hot." He bent over slightly, his hands on his knees and began shaking his ass in Jane's direction. "You want to smack this booty? Come on, girl. Bring it."

"Master, may I please have my paddle?" Jane asked Felix sweetly.

"My pleasure, little one," Felix returned, reaching into a bag at his feet and producing a rather wicked looking paddle. Of course, many couples brought some of their playthings to club. Public spankings were popular.

Jasper hid a smile behind his hand as James laughed nervously, his cocky demeanor wavering slightly. He must have decided a woman as tiny and delicate looking as Jane couldn't pack that much of a punch because his grin came back in full force. "You like handling wood, huh?"

Jane strode forward, her eyes narrowing slightly as she suddenly swung from submissive to dominant. She took James's arm and dragged him a short distance to a nearby table. When she pushed him toward it, James actually stumbled. "Assume the position, slut."

Still not taking the situation seriously, James laughed again and bent over the table, surprisingly obedient when the orders were coming from a hot girl in fishnet stockings. "You've got a filthy mouth, little girl. I'm loving - SHIT!" James yelled in surprised as Jane brought the paddle down on his ass hard enough that the crack echoed through the club.

Jasper grabbed James's arms just as the other man tried to straighten up, keeping him pinned down to the table. He almost felt bad - almost. Obviously this stranger hadn't had a clue what kind of club he walked into. But Jasper knew Felix and his jealous temper. If he didn't let Jane get in a few licks, Felix would pulverize James's pretty face.

Besides, James struck Jasper as the kind of brat who probably deserved a sore ass for once in his over-privileged life. "Come on, pet," Jasper said in a chiding voice as the paddle landed again and James jumped. "Little Janey here can probably take thirty licks of this paddle on her bare ass before she sheds a single tear."

"Fifty," Jane corrected, swinging the paddle with particular force.

Glaring at Jasper, James swallowed his groan. As expected, they were drawing an audience, and were now being watched by many others in the club. Men and women alike were cheering Jane on as she continued to beat James's ass merrily.

After that, James took his punishment with his lips pressed together in a thin, angry line. Jasper tried to keep his face serious, but it was difficult. He had to admit that Jane had a hell of an arm. Between that and James's absolutely indignant expression as he moaned lowly and tried not to wiggle, Jasper was having trouble not full on grinning.

After a solid dozen licks, Jane looked satisfied. She handed the paddle back to Felix with a polite, "Thank you, Master."

Keeping one hand wrapped around James's wrist, Jasper petted Jane's hair. "Thank _you_, Jane."

"Perhaps you should stick to single-night scenes," Felix said, pulling Jane back onto his lap. "No submissive of mine would ever disrespect me in that way, lover's spat or no."

Jasper grimaced. He'd never liked Felix. It took a lot for him to simply nod at the other man before he started to drag James out of the club.

The second they got outside, James shook Jasper off. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are, or what fucked up shit you people are into -"

Jasper grabbed James by the arm again and hauled him a little further down the street, away from the people hanging out outside the Underworld door. "Shut up and listen for a second, dumbshit," he growled when they were a safe distance away. "Are you stupid? Did you not look around when you walked in there? The people who go to that club like bondage, submission and pain. It turns them on. Do you understand that Jane had a master? Hence the collar. It's extremely fucking disrespectful to hit on a collared sub."

"Masters? Submissives? You mean like sex slaves," James scoffed, shaking his head. "This is some Dateline shit right h-"

Jasper grasped James by his jacket and shook him. "Everything that goes on in this club is consensual, asshole."

"Right," James returned, shoving Jasper backward. "'Cause every guy just dreams of getting his ass beat by a demonic, pint-sized tinkerbell." He flipped off the door of the club, growling at it menacingly. "Fuck that, see if I clap my hands to save her fairy ass. What I should do is press charges on you and that little bitch."

Sick of the other man's constantly flapping mouth and irritated at James's total lack of appreciation for getting him out of a jam, Jasper snapped. Pushing James up against the wall of closed business they were in front of, he pressed his body against the other man's. "Trust me, buckaroo, I know a moan of pleasure when I hear one. Don't pretend you didn't like it."

Caught by surprise, James didn't immediately push Jasper off. In fact, he moaned as Jasper's body came in contact with his hard dick through his pants. Jasper scoffed lightly, pressing his hips into James's with a little more force. "See?" Jasper said lowly, his lips dangerously close to James's, "bitch all you want, but cocks don't lie." He tilted his head so his lips were against the other man's ear. "You liked it. Admit it."

"Get the fuck away from me," James hissed, pushing Jasper away. Having proved his point, Jasper was about to walk away, but then he caught sight of Felix exiting the club and looking suspiciously in their direction.

Making a split second decision, Jasper grabbed both of James's wrists, pinning them to the wall as he kissed him hard. James went rigid, and Jasper held him fast, pressing his body against the other man's to keep him from fighting too much. Breaking the kiss, Jasper moved his mouth to James's ear, making it look like he was biting down on his earlobe. "Listen to me," he whispered urgently. "If Felix thinks I'm not really your master, he's going to come over here and kick your ass and this time I'm not going to stop him." He really did bite down on James's earlobe then, causing the bratty man to gasp. "You're going to get in my car, and I'm going to take you to my place. It's just a couple of blocks from here. And then you can call a cab or whatever, and get the fuck out of my life."

"Fuck this shit," James spat, pushing Jasper off of him. "I'm calling a cab. Y'all can take your fucked up daddy issues or shit somewhere else." With one more shove, James turned and began walking down the sidewalk, back toward Underworld, with every intention of grabbing one of the cabs that was waiting at the curb. He stopped dead in his tracks when Felix began walking their way.

Jasper walked up behind him, slipping his hand around James's elbow. "Unless you want to damage that pretty little face of yours, come with me." With a tug, Jasper led James down the street and around the corner to where his car was parked. Bolting seemed like a good idea to James until he noticed a car pass by them, Felix at the wheel.  
Muttering to himself, he climbed in and slammed the door behind him. "That dude has serious problems."

"No," Jasper replied, starting up the car. "He's just very thorough. What you did in there tonight is not taken lightly by this crowd. I did you a favor."

"A favor my ass," James snorted.

Jasper chuckled darkly. "No, your ass needed no favors. That was all you."

"Ha ha ha," James mimicked without any humor. He leaned his head against the window, watching the city pass by. The drive was silent, neither feeling the need to talk while both lost in their own thoughts.

James shifted in his seat, wincing slightly as he put pressure on his ass. He recounted the evening in his head, trying to figure out how he got in this mess - and also, why his dick was slightly hard. To be honest, that was what was bothering him most. He shifted again and the pain seemed to have a live wire to his dick. He groaned, the sound causing Jasper to look over.

"Relax, Vanilla Jimmy. You're hardly the first sonova bitch to figure out he likes to be spanked," Jasper chuckled.

"Vanilla?" James scoffed, ignoring the rest of Jasper's sentence because he was trying his damndest to pretend like the whole being paddled by a demonic munchkin girl who willfully called a man her master and then being pushed up against the wall and kissed by a man who was currently taking him home hadn't actually happened. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is that like...because I'm white? Because I don't know if you've looked in the mirror lately, but -"

"Do you ever shut up? Fuck, I'm beginning to wish I had a gag," Jasper grumbled. "Vanilla, Einstein, means that you probably only have sex in the missionary position. Non-adventurous. Plain. Vanilla. Get it?"

James bristled. "Oh, hell no. If you're going flavors, I lay it down like milk chocolate. Smooth but -"

"Oh, for the love of God, do not finish that sentence!"

James narrowed his eyes. "Well, don't compare me to boring old vanilla. Just 'cause I don't go around kissing dudes or whatever does not make me boring."

Jasper made a quick turn into the driveway and cut the engine. He turned to face James. "I never said you were boring, just plain. Nothing wrong with plain. Plain can actually be a lot of fun." He smirked. "You can do a lot with plain."

James fidgeted again, this time under the heavy gaze of Jasper. Then with a blink he was gone, leaving James alone in the car. "What the fuck?" he muttered to himself before following Jasper into the house. James closed the door behind him and took a moment to look around. The place seemed normal enough.

"Let me get the number for the local cab company. Don't move," Jasper said firmly as he walked out of the room.

James rolled his eyes and began looking around the living room. All too soon the room lost interest for him and he found himself wandering down the halls, peeking into rooms along the way. A bathroom - boring. A closet - nothing interesting there. A basement - now that's interesting. _Wonder what that fucker is hiding down here_, James thought to himself. His hands easily found the light switch and he made his way down the stairs, swaying slightly thanks to the alcohol. He finally came to the bottom and looked around, blinking, as he took in his surroundings.

"What the fuck?"

~oOo~

"Where the hell is that number?" Jasper muttered to himself, opening drawers in the kitchen. Grumbling, he gave up the search after a few minutes. "Hey," he called, heading back into the living room. "Just 4-1-1 them, I can give you the..." he peered around his empty living room, " address."

There was a lunatic loose in his house.

Realizing that wasn't a charitable thought - he was drunk, maybe James was in the bathroom - Jasper went searching.

His bathroom was vacant. So was Edward's.

He checked the front door. It was locked. Highly doubtful the guy would have meandered out the front door and locked it behind him...

"Dude."

Jasper jumped in spite of himself and turned to find James exactly where he shouldn't be: standing in the doorway to the basement. He was holding one of Jasper's newest toys by the tips of his fingers. He looked at the thing and then back at Jasper with a disdainful expression. "Man, you have got a medieval torture chamber down there. What the fuck is this supposed to be?"

Biting back his annoyance at this stranger wandering his house without permission - the full grown man seemed to have the tact of a 13 year old and the libido to match - Jasper tried not to smirk. "That," he said slowly, "is an anal hook."

It was comical how fast the bratty blond man dropped the thing, his eyes wide and horrified. "What... Jesus, you people are bizarre." He took several steps back, as if the thing was going to bite him.

Jasper strode forward and picked the thing up. He counted down from five in his head.

James didn't disappoint. He was vaguely horrified, but he was curious. "So... is this like a human fishing game?"

"Not quite. See, this," Jasper ran his finger around the stainless steel ball on the end of the hook that was usually pointy, "goes in your ass. The long part lays along your ass crack and your back and usually, you use the hole up here," he pointed to the top of the thing which had a wide hole like the eye of a needle, "with rope."

If James's eyes got any wider, they were going to pop right out of his head. "Where do you tie the rope!"

Now Jasper did smirk. "It would work well on that ponytail of yours. That way, whenever you moved your head, you'd get a nice thrill, wouldn't you?"

"Heh, see, I get my 'thrills'," James pantomimed air-quotes, "by getting down with the ladies in public places. The more public, the better. For the record - my favorite encounter was the middle of the dance floor. Redefining Bump and Grind, I'm doing it right." He made a thrusting motion with his hips, his hands in the air.

"You're all class, aren't you?" Jasper asked sarcastically.

Dropping his hands, James rolled his eyes. "Whatever, at least my sexual proclivities-" he threw in the word just to flaunt his stunning vocabulary, "-center around more than just my ass." He looked at the hook skeptically. "Seriously, where's the thrill in sticking things up your asshole?"

"You've never had a girl stick her finger up there?" Jasper asked.

"Dude! Exit only!"

"Not that my talents and, er, desires don't include more than just butt-play, but have you ever heard of a prostate?" Jasper asked.

James wrinkled his nose. "I know Edward had to do an entire rotation sticking his fingers up guys' asses to check them for cancer," he offered.

Jasper gaped at the other man, trying to decide if he'd heard him right. Then he just shook his head. "Okay, well besides being some place where guys get cancer, the prostate is like the male version of a clit. Stimulating it is... very pleasurable," he explained, grinning wickedly.

"Dude, I am not drunk enough for this shit." He ambled off in the direction of the kitchen. "Tell me you have alcohol."

"Uh," Jasper darted after him, a little incredulous, "I was unaware I'd invited you to stay."

"Fuck that. You bring up butt plugs and anal probes and shit...dude, I don't even have words." James stopped and turned suddenly. "How the fuck is that pleasurable?"

Without waiting for him to answer, James turned let out a whoop of celebration. "Hallelujah. Jameson," he muttered, unscrewing the lid of the bottle and gulping down amber liquid as if it was soda pop. Jasper just gaped at him, eyebrows raised. James winced slightly as he put it down.

"Uh... man..." Jasper said slowly, beginning to think he was dealing with a crazy person.

"What?" James asked innocently. "It has my name all over it... literally." He wiped his hand across his mouth. "So uh... do those things come with training wheels or do you go straight to long dong silver?"

Jasper cocked his head. This kid was all over the place. "What do you mean?"

"Size. Size. Are they all that big?" James was looking at the hook in his hand.

"What, this?" Jasper held the thing up, amused when James shrank back from it. "This isn't even big."

"Yeah, if you're talking about my swinging cod, but when you're talking about things that are going in my ass..."

Jasper grinned. "Things going in _your _ass. Now when did we start talking about that?"

"Uh...well...you did," James stuttered. Jasper cocked an eyebrow in question. "Earlier," James said with more conviction. "When you were explaining that shit. You said my ass!" James narrowed his eyes. "You've been eyeing my ass all night. I got your game now. Is this how you pick up dudes? Get them drunk and then show them your anal collection?"

"First off, I didn't pick you up. And if we're talking about asses, I saved yours."

Swallowing another few gulps of whiskey, James grinned. "Then you must see something you like."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Listen, sport, this is how the big boys play. You've been beating around the bush all fucking night. Now, you want to play, I have no problem with that. Yes, to feed your unnaturally large _ego,_" he stressed the word as James started grinning at the word large, "you are a very good looking man, and yes, I did look. But I'm not playing the game where you get scared and cry rape. You want something, you ask." He leaned in, letting his eyes rake up and down the other man's body before he smirked. "And when you do, you say pretty please, sir."

James swallowed audibly and straightened up, trying to make himself appear taller - trying to not cower under Jasper's heavy gaze. "I don't cry rape, dude. That's not my style," he rambled as Jasper never wavered. "I'm just saying, you know, this is - I don't do this shit. I mean, I do, but not with other dudes. So...yeah, maybe I may want to, you know, see what all this is about." Jasper smirked but made no other motion to move. James looked at him, confused, and Jasper quirked his eyebrow.

And then James got it.

Taking a deep breath, James looked down at his feet. "Pretty please, sir."

Smiling broadly, Jasper clapped the other man on the shoulder. "See, that wasn't so hard now was it? Look at me," he commanded, his voice gentle but insistent. James's eyes, when they finally met his, were uncertain for the first time that night. But he could see the spark of excitement there.

"Listen," Jasper said in all seriousness. "This is all about trust. The whole concept behind what we do here is you trust me and I trust you. So you say stop, and I'll stop." He waited, making sure the other man understood. "Alright then. Since you're already acquainted with my basement, why don't you go wait there for me? You stand in the middle of the room with your hands on your head. If you do not have your hands on your head when I get down there, what Jane put you through at the club is going to feel like a walk in the park."

"Hands on my head? What - am I being arrested?"

"The first rule of Project Mayhem is, you do not ask questions!" Jasper barked. He grinned. "And the answer to your question is no, you're doing it because I say so." He paused. "Now."

James blinked, feeling thick headed because of the alcohol and the surreal atmosphere of the situation. He was, he had to admit to himself, excited. And curious.

Jasper watched the other man leave, wondering what the hell he was doing. Most people entered Underworld knowing what they were getting into. There could be no denying that James was drunk, but, if Jasper was judging the other man's actions correctly, he'd made the decision about what he wanted before the alcohol impaired his judgment. Jasper could sympathize. It wasn't easy being a straight male and suddenly finding out that things like public paddling's and male on male kissing was exciting.

Still, he would have to push him a little. Make sure he wasn't going to bolt or wasn't playing some stupid game. Decided, Jasper made his way to the basement.

To Jasper's amusement the loud mouth had followed his instructions to the letter. He was standing in the middle of the room with his hands firmly planted on his head. Apparently he wasn't interested in a repeat performance with the paddle.

"Very good, Jamie Boy."

James groaned. "Dude. My mom called me Jamie Boy. When I was five. Can we just not? I don't want to be thinking about my mom right now."

"Fair enough, James," Jasper said with a chuckle. "See the counter over there, where you got this?" Jasper lifted the hook.

James winced. "Yeah..."

"Put your hands on the counter, and stick your pretty little ass out."

"You're not going to -"

"What's the first rule of Project Mayhem, James?" Jasper asked patiently.

"No questions," James grumbled.

"Very good...and to answer your question, no, I'm not going to punish you," he said.

Looking relieved, James complied with Jasper's demand. He rested his hands on the counter, stepping back until he was bent over.

Passing James completely, Jasper went to the drawer beside the other man. He opened the drawer and had to try very hard not to grin when he heard James make a little noise in the back of his throat. The drawer was filled with butt plugs and dildos of various sizes.

Setting the hook in the drawer, Jasper ran his fingers over the implements, humming to himself as if he was trying to decide which one he wanted. In reality, he knew exactly what he was going to use. Just to get a reaction out of James, he lingered with his fingers on one of the larger plugs.

"Dude, I know we talked about trust here, and I wanna trust you. But I ain't spandex, I don't stretch to fit."

Snickering, Jasper plucked up the actual implement he intended to use.

"See this," he asked, placing the plug on the counter in front of him. "My cock is much bigger than this." He glanced down, and then looked back up at James with a grin. "Apparently, so is yours. And lord knows you've had your piece in a fair number of women. They turned out okay, right?"

James scoffed. "Trust me, they were more than fine. I did stick to their front, though," he mumbled.

Leaving the plug where it was, Jasper knelt.

"What are you -"

Jasper stopped, arching a single eyebrow.

"Project Mayhem. Blah blah blah. Jesus fucking christ," James grumbled to himself.

Jasper only smirked in response and moved his hands to the button of the other man's pants. Popping the button one handed, Jasper let his other hand brush the tented fabric of his pants. James gasped, his body jerking. "Easy tiger," Jasper soothed. "Just relax."

"You fucking relax," James muttered under his breath, but the tension in his body eased and he moaned as Jasper rubbed him a little harder.

Going slowly, so James's pleasure outweighed his nerves, Jasper worked his pants down slowly. He left his boxers up for the moment, cupping the other man's balls, eliciting little mewls from the back of his throat.

Jasper stood, and moved around to James's back. He yanked his boxers down, grinning when James groaned. "Wow," Jasper laughed, whistling. "Either Jane is a lot stronger than she looks or you are one of those lucky people who mark up real pretty."

James chuffed, his breath coming in a stagger as Jasper rubbed his sore ass gently. "What can I say? I'm sensitive."

"Like I said," Jasper murmured, leaning low so his voice rumbled in the other man's ear, "lucky you."

Straightening up slightly, Jasper slapped James's ass several times in quick succession - one last test. As he expected, the bratty blond straightened up, his hands flying to his ass. "Hey! What the fuck. You said -"

"That wasn't a punishment," Jasper said with a light scoff. "That's a stimulant." He let his eyes drift down. James was still hard as a rock. He looked back up into the other man's blue eyes and grinned.

Glowering, James resumed his position with his hands on the counter.

"I'm impressed, Goldilocks," Jasper praised, patting James's back condescendingly.

"Who the fuck you calling Goldilocks? Have you seen your head?"

Jasper didn't answer, but gave James's ass another flurry of smacks, slightly harder than the ones previous. The other man groaned but didn't protest and Jasper knew he was as ready as he was going to be.

Still leaning over James, Jasper reached for the plug. He picked it up, along with the little bottle of lube he'd also set out.

"Lots of lube. Lots and lots of it," James babbled.

"Don't worry, I know what to do with innocent little boys and their butt-ginity."

"Butt-ginity?" James narrowed his eyes with incredulity. "Really? That's kinda lame."

Putting a hand on James's back, Jasper ran a lube-laden finger down his ass crack. "Do you really want to sass me right now?" he asked lightly, teasing.

James tensed. "No," he breathed out.

"No, what?" Jasper asked.

"No, sir."

"You really aren't as dumb as you look," Jasper said, letting his finger gently probe the other man's entrance. He went slowly - James was tense - working his finger in and out, going a little deeper with each turn.

"Fuck," James said between gritted teeth. He moaned.

"See? Turns out, being male gets even cooler. We are covered in nerves back here. Good?" he asked, flicking the pad of his finger against James's walls.

James chuffed. He might have tried to speak... it was difficult to tell. The noise he made came out as more of a whine.

Laughing lightly, Jasper withdrew his finger, placing the plug at James's entrance instead. The other man bit back a whimper.

Still moving slow, Jasper began to work the plug in and out. At first, James merely panted, getting used to the foreign feelings. Then he began to move, moaning and thrusting his hips a little.

"You like that? Hmm?" Jasper encouraged, squirming slightly himself because damn - watching the other man's wiggling ass was making his pants tight.

"Fuck," James said again, which Jasper took to mean 'yes, yes, oh god, yes'.

Soon, the whole plug was in James's ass, and Jasper was propped up with one arm on the counter. Leaving the plug where it was, Jasper reached around, aligning their bodies so his front was against James's back. He wrapped his hand, still moist from the lube, around the bratty blond's cock.

"You gonna come for me, James?" he asked as he stroked.

Ever eloquent, James only said, "Fuck!" but his hips bucked into Jasper's hand, seeking friction.

Expertly working James's body, Jasper coaxed the other man to an orgasm that made his knees shake. He caught James's come in his hand, grinning smugly as he wrapped his free hand around the bratty blond's waist since he was looking a little wobbly.

When he was sure James wasn't going to fall, Jasper let him go, slipping the plug out of his ass and stepping away to clean himself up.

"Well," Jasper said as he finished wiping his hand off, "was it good for you?" he asked, teasingly sarcastic.

James, who had stumbled to the edge of the bed and sat - gingerly - narrowed his eyes, panting lightly through slightly parted lips. His eyes travelled down Jasper's form, lingering at the obvious bulge at his jeans.

He shrugged, nonchalantly. "It was all right," he said, trying to play it cool while his heart was still hammering in his chest. He shifted his weight, trying to find a comfortable position. "Just so you know, I normally don't, like, come that quickly. Must be all the alcohol or something."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes - the man had just had another man's finger and butt plug in his virgin ass after all - Jasper just gave him a wide smile. "No worries, sugar. I know how good I am." He winked. "Now, are you ready for me to call that cab? I'd offer to drive you myself but I have a problem to take care of, if you know what I'm saying." There. Let him believe Jasper was going to jack off thinking about him. Which... if Jasper was being honest, was probably nothing short of the truth anyway.

James moved his eyes back down Jasper's body. "It'll take you, what? Five minutes. I can wait." He leaned back on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Just in case you were wondering, that's not what 'you're welcome' sounds like," Jasper grumbled.

"What? You want like, reciprocation or something like that?" James asked, trying to sound appalled. But Jasper could swear that there was an edge of curiosity there. Deciding to play with the man a little more, Jasper smiled.

"While I wouldn't protest your 'reciprocation', I think you may find that I have a little more stamina than you do."

James sat up quickly. "Oh, hell no. You did just not say that. Get the fuck over here and we'll see how long you last."

"Whatever you say, sugar," Jasper chuckled, amused by how much this guy hid under his competitive nature. But there was no denying that whatever was happening here was something James liked.

Jasper walked over to the bed slowly, unbuttoning his pants as he went. In one smooth motion, both his pants and boxers had been discarded, leaving him completely bare as he stood in front of James. He laughed as the other man licked his lips, eyeing Jasper's cock.

"Here let me make it easier for you." Jasper sat down on the edge of the bed, reclining until he was laying flat against the comforter. He couldn't deny that he was enjoying himself.

With a shaky hand, James reached out and tentatively wrapped his fingers around Jasper's hard cock. Very slowly, he began moving his hand up and down, watching Jasper's face with rapt attention.

"Careful there, stud," Jasper rasped out. "I like it rough, but loosen that death grip down there."

"Shit, sorry," James muttered, moving his gaze down to watch his work. Jasper's breathing picked up, moving in time with James's hand. James slid his body down, wanting to get a closer look. It was so different at this angle; it looked nothing like how when he would jack himself off. He moved his head closer, mesmerized by the drop of liquid pooling at the top.

"Hey, what…" Jasper tried to ask between breaths, wondering what the hell the blond man was doing.

James held up a hand, quieting him. This was taking to long. James would not be outdone. He knew how to pleasure people. He was the fucking king of pleasure. He knew what this called for. Drastic measures and all that shit.

"Can't be that hard right?" James muttered, more to himself than Jasper. "I mean, girls make this look fucking easy..."

"Less lip and more... lip," Jasper said with a groan.

James studied the other man's cock as if he was looking for some sort of fungus. But, of course, it wasn't all that different than his. It was thicker... or maybe it just looked that way since he was about to put it in his mouth.

He let his tongue dart out, taking an experimental lick. It wasn't the same, but it wasn't that different than eating out a woman, at least taste-wise.

"Sugar, I know it's a work of art, but this is getting a little painful. I told you you were under no obligation," Jasper chuckled.

James looked up at him from under his eyelashes. "I got this," he said firmly. Thinking about it logically, James knew what he liked. Jasper had the same equipment... and it was pretty impossible to give a bad blow job.

So, he closed his eyes and dove in.

"Holy mother of madness!" Jasper exclaimed, his hands gripping the comforter in tight fists as James's hot mouth closed over his cock. "Fuck, where did you come from?" he asked, because suddenly the other man was all over. His lips slid up and down, one of his hands wrapped around the base of Jasper's cock and the other cupping his balls.

"Fucking hell," Jasper swore. "I knew that mouth of yours had to be good for something."

Luckily for James, Jasper was already worked up, what with all the moaning and groaning and the very attractive man orgasming after giving over his vanilla man-card. It took only long enough for James to truly appreciate women's sucking stamina before Jasper was gripping his hair and uttering the mantra of the man about to explode: "I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Fuck."

James pulled back and Jasper took over, jerking himself over the edge while the other man watched.

And to James's surprise...it was a little hot.

He just stared, watching as Jasper cleaned himself up…again. He kept replaying what just happened in his head – over and over – trying to figure out... well, anything at this point.

"Hey, sport. You doin' okay there?" Jasper asked, his voice lighter than the harsh tone he had used earlier.

"I'm good. Good." James nodded, a little too enthusiastically.

Jasper walked over and patted James on the shoulder. "It's okay if you enjoyed it. No shame in that. Now, did you need a ride to your place, or you can stay here. We have an extra bed." Jasper offered, gesturing to the bed.

"Hotel," James inserted. "I'm staying at the Hyatt. Visiting from Chicago." He didn't know why he said it. It wasn't like this man needed to know where he was from or anything, but it just seemed like the natural thing to do. The two of them really knew nothing about each other. James shook his head. "I'll call a cab."

Jasper nodded and gathered up his clothes, pulling his pants back on. He turned around to see James doing the same. Without words, they both gathered themselves up, and Jasper called 4-1-1 since it was his address the cab would be coming to.

"So, uh, I guess, um, see ya," James stuttered, not really knowing what to say to the man after everything they just did.

Jasper smiled, a kind smile. "Have a good night, James."

James nodded and walked out the front door to wait for the cab.

_Edward will NOT find out about this._

**LyricalKris A/N: It was great to be part of this project. Thanks to everyone who donated! Hope you enjoyed this little fic of a fic crossover. Loved getting James - and therefore tellingmelies - to push his boundaries a little Hehehhe. Thanks to my darling girl and to jadedandboring for betaing. Thank you to MDealsWithIt who made our beautiful banner.**

**tellingmelies A/N: Sigh, where do I begin? I don't even know how this happened, I blame LyricalKris. This crossover took me places I never thought I would go as a writer lol, but I had a lot of fun and I hope you all enjoy it! Thanks to everyone mentioned above: jadedandboring and MDealsWithIt. And a special thanks to LyricalKris, I love you bb and only you could have gotten this out of me.**


	5. Everyone, Just Breathe

**AN: **So this was supposed to be done yesterday in time for LyricalKris's birthday, but time failed me. This wasn't planned, but I know it's something she wanted to see. Happy Birthday, Kris. I love you and am so happy this fandom introduced us.

This is completely unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

**~oOo~**

**Everyone, Just Breathe**

**BPOV**

"You have to tell him, Bella"

"I know that, Alice," I groaned, banging my head on the kitchen table. "It wasn't like I was planning on keeping it a secret. Besides, your brother's not stupid, I think he would notice when I start looking like I swallowed a beach ball."

Alice was trying not to laugh. I could tell by the way she was pursing her lips. "So, I'm going to go out on a ledge and say this wasn't planned?" I glared at her. "What? Excuse me for being happy about this. Not only am I going to have a nephew, but I get to be pregnant at the same time as my best friend. Sue me." She stuck her tongue out at me in a very mature manner.

"Of course this wasn't planned. Stupid doctor suggesting I switch to stupid birth control shot. And how do you know it's a boy?" I asked suddenly realizing what she said.

Alice just waved her hand dismissively at me. "I just know. Now, how are you going to tell him?"

"Tell me what?" I whipped my head around to see Edward walk into the kitchen, loosening his tie. He smiled before bending down and giving me a quick kiss. "Hey baby." He looked over at his sister. "Alice." Alice responded with a quick nod of her head, her eyes wide. Edward pulled out a chair and sat down. "Now, tell me what?"

"How-how do you know you're the 'him' we were talking about?" I asked quickly, my brain furiously trying to come up with something to say.

Edward smirked at me. "Well, if I didn't know then that it was about me, I sure know now. Besides, you two look like you're up to something."

"I've got to go get Jasper," Alice blurted out. She was out of the kitchen before I could say anything.

"What does she mean, get Jasper? He has a car?" Edward asked me as the front door banged shut.

I stood up and walked to the sink, rinsing out the cup of tea I just had. "Oh who knows with your sister. I think this pregnancy thing has her on edge." I giggled then, sounding more like a crazed hyena than the nonchalant girlfriend I was going for. Smooth, Bella.

"_Bella_," Edward sang, coming up behind me. "What's going on, baby?"

"Going on?" I asked while I mentally cringed at how high my voice sounded. "Why would you think anything was going on?"

His hand came around me, stilling my motions. "Maybe because you're scrubbing an already clean mug." Carefully, Edward pulled the mug out of my hands and spun me around. He opened his mouth to say something, but my stupid brain decided to pick that time to come up with something.

"You're a mess!" I blurted out.

Edward stepped back at my outburst. Confusion written on his face. "What? I'm a -"

"Mess," I repeated. I tried to stop the word vomit, I really did. But my brain had a mind of its own. "Your shit is everywhere. There's your books and your glasses on top of the books. And your socks. How many pairs do you own? I have never met a guy who owns as many socks as you do. And they all match! There's not one mismatched pair." I was pacing now, words just spilling out. "Oh and your toothbrush! It's just there, like, comingling with mine like it's trying to mate with it." I came to a stop in front of him, chest heaving. I must have looked like a mad woman.

"So let me get this straight," Edward said slowly. He took a careful step toward me. "You're upset because I own socks that match and that my toothbrush wants to 'mate' with yours?"

Ok, so even that sounded a little bit ridiculous to me. Edward took another step towards me and I could see more questions forming in his mind. So, I did what I always do to avoid confrontation. Go for distraction.

I launched myself at Edward, fusing my lips to his. He didn't move for a minute, but when I nipped at his bottom lip, he let go. Strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into his body. Edward's mouth hungrily sought out mine as we began to move backward. We stumbled into the living room, shedding clothes as we went. Edward turned, moving us toward the stairs.

"Couch," I managed to get out.

Edward growled and changed directions, falling onto the couch and pulling me on top of him so that my legs were straddling him. My hands slid down his body until they wrapped around his shaft. He was hard and ready for me. God, I loved this man.

Gripping the back of the couch, I lifted my hips up and sheathed him inside of me in one quick motion.

"Fuck, Bella," Edward groaned out, tearing his mouth from mine. I paused, looking down at him. He gazed back up at me, eyes heavy with lust, mouth slightly parted. Leaning down, I captured his top lip between the two of mine. Edward brought one hand around to cup the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair. His other hand found purchase on my chest as he began to gently massage my breast. Slowly I began moving my hips. Edward's breathing hitched and his head fell back against the couch as he watched me move above him. The hand that was on my chest slid down my side until it was gripping my hip. Holding me in place, Edward began thrusting his hips upward. This time it was my head that fell back as he began hitting places in me deep inside. My hips were moving faster now. Edward pulled my mouth down to his, swallowing my scream as my orgasm washed over me. Edward quickly followed and we collapsed back against the couch.

After taking a few moments to catch his breath, Edward maneuvered us so that we were laying down, my back against his chest. Reaching behind him, he pulled down the blanket that sat atop the couch, covering us both. We laid in silence for a little bit longer, my fingers drawing intricate designs on his arm.

"Now, I don't mind fighting with you if it always ends like that," Edward chuckled, kissing the side of my neck.

"What are you talking about? It does always end like that."

I felt him laugh behind me and I smiled. I was so content and just happy lying here.

"What's going on, Bella?" Edward asked softly. I turned my head so I could see his face, surprised by his change. His green eyes, now laced with concern, peered intently into mine.

Damn it, I didn't want him to be worried. I was the one freaking out over this. He didn't need to be. Hell, he didn't even know I was pregnant.

Pregnant.

I was going to have a baby. With Edward. I needed to tell him.

I shifted so that I was lying on my back, looking up at him. Edward slid his hand down into mine and gave it a squeeze. I was worrying him.

Okay, here it goes.

"So, remember when I got really sick a few months back and I had to go to the doctor and they decided that the birth control I was on was doing something wonky to my insides and that they wanted to change it?"

"Wonky, Bella?" he shook his head at me. "Your estrogen levels were too high. It could have damaged-"

"Whoa," I held my hands up. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I don't need a reminder, I was there. What I was asking was if you remembered what the doctor said after? About there needing to be a wait time before we could have sex again."

Edward laughed. "Not sex, just unprotected -" He stopped suddenly. "What are you saying, Bella?"

I smiled timidly up at him. _Well, here goes nothing._ "I'm pregnant."

Edward stared at me for a few seconds, his face blank. "Like with a baby?"

"No, like with an alien," I rolled my eyes. "Yes, with a baby." I grabbed his face between my hands. "Your baby."

"My baby," he whispered, his hand trailing down and lightly grazing my stomach. When he looked back down at me his eyes were shining. "We're having a baby. We're having a baby!" he repeated, face breaking out into a grin.

"You're not mad? Upset? Scared?"

"What?" he asked, confused. "Bella, why would I be mad?" I shrugged. Realization dawned in his eyes. "Is that why you were picking a fight with me?"

"I wasn't picking a fight with you," I grumbled. Edward smirked down at me. "Ok, well, I was panicking. And I thought you would panic too which is why I was a little scared to tell you. And now we have all these things to think about and plan. And…why aren't you panicking?"

"We can figure all that shit out later. I don't know. I guess I'm just too happy."

"You're happy?"

"Bella, you just told me you're having my baby. The woman I love is carrying my child. I'm fucking ecstatic!"

I giggled as he all but attacked my face and neck with kisses, whispering 'I love you' between. I don't know why I had been so worried.

~oOo~

A loud bang echoed through the house, jolting me out of sleep. I rubbed my eyes and glanced over at the clock. 2:37am.

"Edward?" I mumbled sleepily, reaching around behind me. Instead of my hand finding my boyfriend, it touched down on cold sheets. My heart began to race as I sat up and turned on the light. Edward's side of the bed was empty, the comforter thrown completely across me. Where the hell was he?

Another bang came followed by a scratching sound. "Edward?" I called out, quietly. I was beginning to freak out here. Edward knows I don't handle noises in the night every well. What if someone broke in? Did Edward jump out of bed in a hurry to protect me? What if the intruder killed Edward?

_Oh my god Bella, get a freaking grip._

I slowly got out of bed and walked down the hall toward my office. We had just started the process of remodeling the upstairs bathroom, so my first thought was maybe Edward couldn't sleep and was working on something in there. But that thought was quenched as I slid back the plastic tarp that covered to door and looked into an empty bathroom.

The scratching sound came again, this time it seemed to come from my office. "Edward?" I called again, walking toward the room. I noticed a light shining underneath the door and I cautiously pushed it open. And froze.

Edward was standing on my desk, which had been moved from it's location by the window to the center of the room, measuring something from the ceiling. He was clad only in his sleep pants, hair sticking up everywhere and a pencil stuck between his teeth. He looked like a mad scientist.

"Edward!" I said, louder this time. He stumbled a little at the sound of my voice and my arms instinctively flew out as if to catch him.

"Bella!" he exclaimed. "I didn't know you were up. I'm sorry, did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet. I shut the door and everything."

Quiet my ass, I thought looking around as Edward continued to babble.

"Honey," I interrupted. "What the hell are you doing? It's the middle of the night."

He stopped then as if suddenly seeing me for the first time, even though he had just been talking to me a second ago. He scrambled off of the desk and ran toward me. "We can't have a baby!" he shouted.

I took a step back, my arms instinctively covering my stomach. "What?"

Edward's eyes horned in on my hands and they got instantly wide. "No! No! That's not what I meant. No, we're having this baby." I released the breath that I had been holding. "We just can't have it here." He gestured around the room.

"Edward, what are you talking about?"  
"This house! It's too small. How can we have a baby here? In this room? Where are we going to put the crib. It can't be too close to the window because of the drafts. So I've been measuring the distances, trying to see where in here we could put it. But there's no place. There's too many windows. We would have to put it right where we're standing, then how would we open the door?"

This was Edward not panicking?

"And why are we putting a bedroom downstairs? We should be putting one up here! Our baby needs to be close to us, Bella. What if it starts crying in the middle of the night and we take too long to get there -"

"Edward, baby, calm down." I took a step toward him, grasping his face between my hands. "There's these things called baby monitors and you can take them with you anywhere and hear the baby."

"But what if it malfunctions?" I opened my mouth to say something but he pulled out of my grasp and ran to the wall, kneeling down. "And look, look at this." I looked at the wall, trying to see what he was looking at. "Outlets, Bella! They're everywhere. Are we trying to electrocute our baby? And don't even get me started on the stairs."

"And what about our jobs?" What? I was trying to keep up with him, but this was getting ridiculous. "We both work. What's going to happen when the baby comes? There's daycare and then there's school and, oh my god, college. We need to set up a college fund like right now. I should call my father." He headed toward the door and I grabbed his arm.

"We are not calling your father. Edward, you have our kid in college and it hasn't even been born yet."

"These are things that we need to discuss."

"I know, but we have time. We just need to slow down. Take it one step at a time." I couldn't believe these words were coming from me. Was I freaking out? Yes. But also, I was weirdly calm. This afternoon, when I had told Edward the news, that was his true reactions. I knew he was happy and knowing that had calmed me in a weird way. "Just come back to bed and we can talk about this tomorrow. Sweetie, you need some sleep."

"Sleep? I couldn't possibly sleep right now. There's too much to do!" He reached around me and grabbed a notebook off of my desk and headed out of the room.

I followed him, stopping at the top of the stairs and he ran down them. "Edward, where are you going?" I asked as he grabbed his car keys off of the table by the door.

"To my father's! We need to reconstruct this house!" he shouted, running out the door.

As I sat down on the top step, I heard Edward get into his car and shut the door. The engine started up a few seconds later. I folded my hands on my lap and waited. About ten minutes later, the engine shut off and a car door shut. I looked up as Edward walked back in. His eyes met mine and I smiled.

"We're having a baby," he said, shutting the door.

"We're having a baby," I repeated.

I watched as a slow smile spread across his face. He walked up the stairs and sat down on the step below me. He placed his hands on my knees, resting his chin on them.

"I panicked."

"Yeah, you did."

"It might happen again."

"I know," I laughed. "Hell, it might happen to me."

"We need to work on that mouth of yours," Edward grinned.

"Hey, my mouth is not the only problem here."

"No, it's not," Edward laughed, leaning up to kiss me. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Now, can we please go back to bed? We can discuss all this," I gestured around the house, "tomorrow."

Edward stood up, pulling me with him. "Tomorrow," he repeated softly, leading me back up to our room.

**~oOo~**

**AN: **Well, there you have it! Just a quick peek of a very important event. It was fun going back into the mind of this Bella. Hope you all enjoyed it. And Happy Birthday again Kris! Even if it is a day late.


End file.
